What seniors can do while they wait

It’s a year of applications for my family. My oldest child has applied to seven colleges, and my youngest has applied to three private high schools. All the applications are in, and there’s already one college acceptance. But other than that, we’re not expecting to hear anything until early March. That’s fine with me; it means I don’t really have to think about them for another month or so. There’s nothing for me to do. But it’s driving my wife nuts. She hates the waiting, and is thinking about notifications daily.

I have some consulting clients in the same boat as my wife. I’ve had two meetings recently where students are anxious about how to move forward not knowing where all they will be accepted. It’s hard to be in this space where they feel no control and there aren’t any more steps for them to take right now. They have hundreds of “what if?” questions going through their mind.

If you’re a high school senior who has sent off all their applications and are in the same kind of anxious waiting zone, then here are some suggestions for what you can do with your time while you wait—without driving yourself nuts.

Focus on high school. You’re not done being a high school student yet, and you’re planning on being a college student in the near future. So you need to be a good student, even for the next few months. Maybe your GPA isn’t quite as important to you now, but you probably have some big tests and projects coming up. If they’re important to you, then take care not to lose sight of them. Now is the time for a final high school push of studying and preparation. Focus as much energy as possible on that. If you’ve got any wisdom to share with underclassmen, now is the time. And even if you don’t have any more big to-do items left this semester, do not under any circumstances let yourself get lulled into doing something that will actually hurt you. Don’t fail classes, don’t cheat, don’t break the law. If all you have to do to get through high school is keep your head down and not mess it up…don’t mess it up.

Research some more. You’ve already applied to these schools, but you can still get to know them better. Are you interested in joining a sorority or fraternity? Figure out what’s available at each school you’ve applied to, and try to understand the process for joining—it’s not necessarily the same everywhere. Interested in intramural sports? See what each school offers and how to join. You can also do some research on how transportation works in the area of the schools. Is there good public transportation? How far is campus from airports, bus stations, and train stations? Are rideshare apps in strong use? What do students do near campus but not on campus? What are the different types of rooms available? What are the career services offices like? What scholarships are still available for application? There are some online deep dives you can do to help you make a final decision, and you can start on those right now.

Put some things on the calendar. Once colleges accept you, they’re going to try to get you to choose them and send in your deposit. Most will have some kind of accepted-student events on campus, and some may also have events for accepted students in your home town (if you live in a large enough home town). Spend some time to find out what sorts of events the colleges you’ve applied to will be having. If you can’t find them on their websites, email the admissions departments and ask. Get a feeling now for what may end up on your calendar in March and April.

Take time to give thanks and give back. At a minimum, send individual thank-you notes to all the people who helped you with your college applications. That includes teachers who wrote recommendations, your counselor, anyone who helped look over written responses, and anyone else who gave you advice. If you have time, also do some volunteering. This not only helps you get outside your own anxiety, but it helps others. This doesn’t need to be a project: you don’t need to plan, organize, or create anything. Just find a place where you can volunteer some time and talent and go do it. Check food banks, libraries, and aid organizations.

Plan new habits. You’re about to go through a major life change, one that will affect your daily routines and entire sense of self. Times of transition like these are when new habits get set and old habits get broken. You can be pro-active about what kinds of habits you’d like to instill when you begin college, even if you’re living at home. What kind of good habits would you like to pick up but have been struggling to make a part of your life? The summer before college, and especially your first few weeks of college, are the times to make those happen. Don’t try to plan your whole life—don’t even try to plan your whole day. There’s so much you don’t even know about how your days will work in a new place. But if you’ve been wanting to start a new exercise routine, adopt a different wardrobe, or change your online habits, understand that the next few months present the best opportunity for you to do so. Start making a plan now.

Go over the numbers. Each college’s financial aid offer will look different, and they can be hard to compare. However, there are three numbers that you need to stay focused on as offers come in: the maximum cost that your family can afford or is willing to play; the cost to attend for each of the colleges that accept you; the total debt amount for each of the colleges that accepts you. These numbers aren’t always easy to find. If you look over an aid offer and still can’t figure out how much you’ll need to pay and/or borrow, call the aid office and ask them. If your family still won’t give you a sense of what’s affordable, keep asking.

Seniors, it may be an exciting spring for you! I wish you well as notifications and news comes in.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

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2. Read this related post:

   Three things seniors can do while they wait

   They put you on a wait list. Now what?

   Five considerations before making a last-minute decision

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How seniors can spend their winter break in the best way

Don't do any more college stuff than you absolutely have to. As contrary as it may sound, you really should use your time as a true break and not college-planning time. If you put things off with the idea that you'd do them over break, that's perfectly normal. But get them done first and with focus. You're not going to send out good applications if you're finishing them a little bit at a time while you also finish gift shopping and meet with friends. Make a plan to finish your college to-do list as quickly as possible into the break. If you have January 1st or 5th deadlines, get those sent out first and with focus. There's no good reason to wait until the 31st or 4th to send those out. Also keep in mind that the longer into the break you wait, the less likely you are to get good help (or any help) from anyone else.

These other suggestions are made with seniors in mind, but they’re good advice for anyone with a few weeks off this winter.

Rest. This sounds obvious--of course you're going to rest. You have several weeks with no school! But for lots of students--and adults--it never quite seems to work this way. You stay up too late, thinking you'll sleep in, and then you have to get up earlier than you expected. Or you spend too much time in bed or on the couch, and you feel sluggish and dumpy. You can only get good rest from your break if you decide that you're actually going to and schedule for it. Decide that you're going to get 8-10 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night, and then plan accordingly. The time you spend awake will go much better if you do.

Spend quality time with people. Now is a great time to catch up with friends and family, but, like good sleep, quality time with people is also elusive. You go to parties and gatherings, you have text or Snapchat conversations, you spend a little time with people...and then you realize that you didn't really have any good conversations. Quality Time is usually thought of as time you spend with another person giving them your undivided attention. Schedule some time for this with a few good friends and/or family members.

Re-assess. Now is a great time for reflection and regrouping. Here are several exercises to try to keep that conversation with yourself productive and useful.

Highs and lows. Like a lot of families, at our dinner table we often go around and share our high and low moment of the day with each other. (Lately we’ve modified it to be one victory, one point of stress or tension, and one thing you’re grateful for. “The 1-1-1.”) It's a better conversation starter with school-aged kids than "how was your day?" and it reinforces that every day has both the good and the bad. Take some time thinking about--and sharing with someone else--your high and low points over the fall semester and your college quest. What worked? What didn't? What felt good? What felt bad? Consider it all.

Two-month time machine. When evaluating your semester and planning ahead, think about a two-month time machine. If you could go back two months to re-try the fall, what's one thing you really wish you could change? You obviously can't really do it, but it's a good way to think about "lessons learned" and how you can help the next two months better.

Restate your dreams and aspirations. Take some time and write a personal mission statement for the year, especially if you're a senior and moving on to college next fall. Or if you don't want to be so college-centric but want to spend time thinking about what's really important to you, try the "last-year test" method of thinking about New Year's Resolutions. 

Read. It's really tempting to read nothing--or nothing of merit--over the break. You've read so much over the past few months, so why do it on vacation? The answer is simple: now you get to choose what to read, and you can make engaging your intellect fun for yourself. Besides, if you're ready to concede that the only reason you read or learn is because you're assigned to by authorities, then you may want to re-think the whole college thing. Take back control of your mind by reading something. It doesn't have to be Important Literature if that's not what you like, just choose not to be a mental slacker.

What should you be doing this fall?

Whether you’re in the 9th grade or 12th, at a large high school or home schooled, taking advanced classes or remedial ones, my advice for high school students thinking about college is the same:

* The best way to prepare for college is to be a good high school student

* Anything you do just because “it looks good to colleges” is a waste of time

* You need a time management system and a meditation routine

If you’d like more detailed, grade-specific advice, here are this year’s updates to “What Should I Be Doing Now?” for fall.

* 12th grade

* 11th grade

* 10th grade

* 9th grade

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are two easy things you can do:

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Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

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A fall timeline for seniors

Around this time every year, I publish an updated “What Should I Be Doing Now?” page for every grade level. Because there are so many circumstances, so many different paths, I try to keep it fairly broad and generalized. However, I’ve recently got several requests for a more detailed and specific timeline for seniors. So here is a month-by-month breakdown of the process. Remember, this doesn’t fit every single case. I don’t include anything, for example, related to art portfolios or athletic recruitment. And I assume you’re applying to more than one or two colleges. But this covers most of the situations my own clients face, and (I think) most of the situations my readers face. As I say all the time when I’m giving feedback or advice: feel free to use it, modify it, or ignore it as appropriate.

August

Research colleges. By now you may have a pretty good idea of schools where you will apply. Spend time getting to know the colleges, and be open to learning about other colleges and possibly making changes to your list. Where should you research colleges? Their websites are a great place. Look at their admission page, and also the pages for any majors you’re considering. I also love the Fiske Guide. It’s not available online, only as a book, but it’s worth the trouble. For online resources I usually stick to BigFuture, which is run by the College Board, and Niche. You can also look into the schools’ Common Data Sets.

Interact with colleges. As soon as you think you’re going to apply to a school, begin interacting with the school as much as possible. Make sure you sign up for their mailing list or click on the “send me information” button on their admission web page. If you can go on a physical campus tour, that’s great, but it’s not necessary. Many colleges also have good virtual tours. Either way, get a feel for the campus. Follow the school’s social media accounts on your preferred apps. Find out if and when they’ll be at a college fair near you or visiting your school and do your best to go meet them. Do this even if the school doesn’t consider demonstrated interest. This is the stage where you’re beginning to build a relationship with schools.

Narrow your college list down to 20 maximum. While it’s great to keep exploring and adding schools to your list, it’s also necessary to start cutting schools from your list. Make sure you have at least two you are very confident will accept you. It sometimes helps to eliminate schools by thinking about their groups. You’ve got six medium-sized colleges in the northeast who offer a major you’re interested in? Reduce that to the top two. Drop the ones with the highest average net cost, or the ones farthest from a city, or any other criteria that makes sense for you. Have you got 30 schools on your list, and 25 of them have acceptance rates under 25%? Focus on the five that are most important to you. Don’t spend too much time and energy on schools that are not likely to accept you because they have too many strong applicants. Also, don’t spend too much time trying to figure out what schools are “safety, target, and reach” for you. Don’t get into the “what are my chances?” mentality. Many students do fine thinking about the same three categories: schools with acceptance rates over 50%, schools with acceptance rates under 20%, and those in between. Find a balance with these three categories on your list, and get it down to 20 maximum.

(Many of you won’t have this problem at all. Some never begin with a list over 20. That’s great, as long as you make sure you’re including at least two you’re very confident will accept you.)

Find deadlines for schools on list. For each school on your list, look up the different application plans they have and the deadline for each. Make a chart or timeline to keep up with these. When is their regular decision deadline? Do they have Early Action, Early Decision, or Priority deadlines? Is there an earlier deadline if you would like to be considered for scholarships? Is there a different deadline based on your major than for the school at large? Also, what are their deadlines for submitting test scores if you choose to submit? Do they have deadlines for submitting financial aid paperwork? Does your major require a portfolio or extra writing supplement with a different deadline than the regular application? Once you start tracking multiple deadlines for each school, you understand why narrowing your list down to 20 maximum is so important.

Finish at least one main essay. If you’re applying to a college that requires an essay—and you probably are—then get it finished. Or at least started. The best time to finish a solid draft of your essay is before school starts. If you do nothing else this month, do this.

September

Continue to research and interact with colleges. Make adjustments to your college list, taking care not to go over 20.

If you haven’t already, line up your recommendation letters. If you’ve narrowed down your college list and checked on the requirements for each, then you’ll know who you need letters from. Each school is different. They’ll require none, one, or two letters. They will—or will not, depending on the school—specify who they would like letters from. Some will let you submit extras if you want, some won’t.

Begin writing your supplemental prompt responses. If you’ve already got your main essay ready, you have time to begin working on the shorter supplemental questions that many colleges ask. These can be tough, because you typically have a much smaller space—50 to 350 words—to explain yourself.

Don’t get overwhelmed looking at all the supplemental questions for all your potential applications. Focus on your 4 or 5 top schools. Your top schools are the ones where you’re likely to apply early. This includes schools for which you may apply Early Decision or Early Action, and it includes the schools you’re really confident will accept you. If you’re applying to a school as a “safety,” apply as early as you can. Get the confidence boost and stability of knowing you’ve got a place to go as quickly as possible.

While it’s normal to think of the application process as one that runs from August to January, with a swift build-up in December as regular decision applications become due, I prefer to think of it as a two-wave process. Most of the work happens before early November, and then there’s a follow-up wave for any remaining applications in January. Plan on October being your busiest month.

October

Continue to research and interact with colleges. Make adjustments to your college list, taking care not to go over 20.

If you need to, complete the CSS Profile. You’ll know if you need to by checking the financial aid page of each of the schools on your list. You can also search here.

Decide if you’ll apply to any college Early Decision. Decide if you’ll apply to any colleges Early Action. Finalize your list of top schools—I recommend four or five—for that first wave of applications.

Finish writing your supplemental prompt responses for November applications. Again, don’t get overwhelmed thinking about all the supplemental, just focus on the ones you’re writing for a November deadline.

Submit applications with November 1 deadline on October 26. It doesn’t have to be exactly on the 26th, obviously, but I think submitting around five days before the deadline is ideal. Submit too soon, and you miss the opportunity to make your application even better. But waiting until the last minute is too risky. Websites crash, internet gets spotty, distractions appear. So three to five days before the deadline makes sense, for November 1 deadlines and all deadlines.

November

Continue to research and interact with colleges. If you send out any early applications in November, make best- and worst-case scenario plans. If you get accepted early, will you apply to more colleges? Which ones, and why? If you don’t get accepted early, does that change which and how many schools to apply to for January deadlines? Don’t spend too much time thinking about something so out of your control, but do a little planning.

Write supplemental prompt responses for the rest of your applications. Once your November applications are out, begin the ones that are left for your second wave of applications, which will mostly be due in early January.

DecembeR

Fill out the FAFSA. It doesn’t open up until December 1 this year, and there are changes from the past. I’d advise waiting at least a few days before getting started, in case there are any glitches or crashes when it first opens up.

Submit applications with January 1 deadline by December 28.

January

Send financial aid paperwork for anywhere that hasn’t got it yet

Start writing thank-you notes

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   Should you submit test scores to a test-optional college?

   How many colleges should you apply to?

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Angela Elisabeth

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

Rising seniors: here's what to do this summer

Some high school juniors are already far along in their college admission process. Through personal ambition, pressure from family, high school requirements, or a combination of those, they have a clear sense of where they will apply, why they’ve chosen those colleges and universities, and how to go about it. Many high school juniors will not start thinking about college admission until their senior year begins. But most college-bound juniors are starting their admission season right about now, toward the end of 11th grade.

Here are my recommendations for things you can do this summer to make your fall semester a little easier. It’s not a checklist to do in order, though. Each piece can affect all the other pieces, and you’ll find yourself updating and going through the cycle multiple times.

Go on college visits. You should visit some colleges. I mean this in the broadest sense, though. It doesn’t have to be a weeklong trip with family where you will personally visit three or more colleges that you think you’ll probably end up applying to. That’s great if you can do it, but most families can’t. After campuses shut down because of the pandemic, many colleges began offering high-quality online virtual tours (or improved the ones they already had). Even though campus is open again, those virtual offerings are still available. Take advantage of these to look at schools you’re interested in.

As far as college visits go, you don’t even have to visit schools you’ll be applying to. I’m a big fan of visiting colleges near you just to get a feel for college in general. Tour the large public university nearest you, the small liberal arts college nearest you, and anything in between. I live in Houston, so I encourage people to visit the University of Houston, Rice University, the University of St. Thomas, and Sam Houston State University. You may not be interested in actually attending any of those colleges, but it will quickly and easily give you a sense of the difference between a large public university, a mid-sized regional public university, a private research university, and a small private university. Three of them are centrally located in the heart of Houston, and the other is just over an hour away.

Write and revise a College Mission Statement. Start with the formula “I want to _____ at a _____ college with _____.” For example, “I want to study engineering and/or financial mathematics at a small- to medium-sized university in or near an urban area, preferably not in the Northeast, with an intramural sports program.” Fill in the blanks as thoroughly and honestly as you can. For more on writing a College Mission Statement, start here.

Put together a game plan. You don't need to start on your applications yet, but it helps to have a plan for how you will go about finishing your applications. Here are some questions to ask yourself to get an outline ready for your next semester:

• What personal qualities do you want to project in your application? Examples of the kind of qualities I'm talking about include resilience, passion, intellectual curiosity, initiative, talent, creativity, empathy, and leadership. Think of one or two of your strongest qualities that will be the focal point of your applications. Your essay will center on these qualities, and you'll try your best to arrange for your recommendation letters to center on them.

• What concrete evidence do you have--other than grades and test scores--of those qualities? What stories can you tell that exemplify those qualities? Who can vouch for you when it comes to these qualities?

• What are the primary qualities of a college that will be a good place for you? How—other than by looking at rankings or reputation—will you know when a school is right for you? It helps to have an idea about this before you start looking too closely at individual schools. Knowing if a school has what you want can prove difficult if you don't know what you want. 

• Is there a school for which you think you should apply Early Decision or Early Action? Why?

• What are the major application deadlines? Begin with the general. Early applications are generally due in early November, regular decision applications are generally due in early January. As you build and then narrow down your own college list, you can find more specific deadlines for your schools. How do those fit with the rest of your schedule, both at school and outside of school?

• What are the gaps in your understanding that you need to fill in? It can be quite difficult to know what it is that you don't know, but make sure you've looked through the Common Application as best as you can and identify any major holes in your timeline or knowledge.

Talk to your family about money. By the end of the year, you're going to need to send away paperwork with very detailed and personal financial information, including your parents' tax forms. You're going to decide where the line is between affordable and unaffordable. You're going to to decide how much you and/or your family is willing to borrow for your education. The sooner you begin these difficult conversations, the better. They rarely go well the first time around, so you don't want to wait until the deadline is close. If your family’s financial circumstances have changed recently through unemployment, depletion of savings, loss of investment value, and/or major medical expenses, then you’ll need to revisit your financial discussions often.

The FAFSA won’t open up until December 1st this year. That doesn’t mean you need to wait until December to have conversations with your family and to make sure you’ve got your documentation ready.

Draft some essays. Even if you don’t have a college list ready, you’ve probably got a good idea of the essays you will need to write for your applications. The essay prompts for the Common Application are available. So are the essay prompts for the separate application for public universities in your state, if they have an application separate from the Common Application. Look those over. You can begin working on those now.

Most of the seniors I work with end up having two “big” essays—around 600 words—that they use. Sometimes one gets submitted for the Common Application, and another gets used for scholarship applications or shortened for supplemental questions. When I work with a senior, I end up seeing several versions of the same response, at lengths from 150 to 1,000 words, constantly updated and re-used. You can begin those now, even without prompts. In fact, it’s best to begin without thinking about a prompt. Think about your qualities that you want to highlight, the big ideas that excite you, and the stories about yourself that you end up repeating to adults often. If it helps, here are some questions to consider:

• What are you most proud of?

• What do teachers or other adults praise you for?

• How would you explain yourself to a stranger?

• What separates you from your friends at school?

• What gets you intellectually excited? What do you do when you’re excited?

• What’s happened to you in the past three years that has most changed who you are?

• You’ve matured in the past three years—what evidence or stories have you got to show it?

• What’s the most recent un-assigned book you loved?

Narrow down your list of colleges. There are around four thousand colleges and universities in the US to choose from. By then end of your junior year, you will ideally have that narrowed down to no more than 50. By the beginning of your senior year, you want to have that narrowed down again to no more than 25. By application time, it will be narrowed down to between four and twelve (for most people), and by May 2023 it will need to be narrowed down to one or two. For each, make sure you do these things:

• Go to the school’s website and sign up to be on their mailing list.

• Look at the school’s web pages for any majors you’re interested in.

• Look over the school’s financial aid and scholarships web pages.

• Try to find the admissions staff assigned to your geographic area. Most schools still divide their admissions staff geographically, and many post that information on their website. You’ll know exactly who is in charge of your application.

• Look up their policy and availability for campus tours.

• Find out if and how they conduct interviews.

• Find out if and how they handle gap year requests.

• If your high school counseling office uses Naviance or similar software, put the college into your college list there so your counselor can see.

• Get the information you need to try out the school’s net price calculator.

Take care of yourself. The junior year is the most difficult for many high school students. You've just finished yours, and it may have been your first “normal” year of high school…which isn’t normal. You need to prepare for your senior year and college applications, but you don't need to neglect your immediate well-being. Get rest. Read something for pleasure. Have a long talk with an interesting person. Ask some good questions instead of always being the one called on to answer questions. Be a person, and be the healthiest one you can.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   The Glossary: summer melt

   Visiting colleges over the summer

   Don’t forget your summer reading!

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Angela Elisabeth

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

What should seniors do with their last few months of high school?

When I taught high school seniors, I had a pretty reliable trick to predicting how the year was going to end: how soon I heard them talking about Prom. When all the conversations were Prom-related a few weeks before prom, no problem. When talk had turned to Prom as early as March or even February, I knew it was going to be a long and senioritus-filled spring semester.

Seniors, here’s to a happy new year, an exciting time in your life, and no Prom talk for many months.

Dates & Deadlines

AP Exams are May 1-12.

You should already know which AP classes you’re taking and which exams you’re likely to take. But seniors are in a weird spot: you’ve probably already registered for exams, since it was due November 15. So you had to sign up for AP exams not knowing how they might affect you or if you even want to take them.

For example, if you end up going to a college that doesn’t give credit for AP exams, or will only give credit for a 5 when you’re on track for a 3, then you may not want to bother taking a test that’s not going to benefit you directly. But you usually have to register for the exam long before you know which college you’re going to next year. Here’s the best thing to do: go ahead and register for exams and act as though you’re going to take all of them. Act as though each score of 3 or higher will get you college credit, potentially saving you time and money. If that turns out not be the case, then talk with your teachers and counselor about what to do. If you registered and paid for yourself, it may be easy to not sit for the exam—you just don’t show up. If your school paid for the exam, they may want you to take it whether you want to or not.Many seniors end up going into the exam room knowing that the exam either doesn’t gain them anything or that they’re not likely to get a good score, and so they go to sleep. While this practice, honestly, is not likely to have personal negative repercussions for you, it may have negative effects for your AP teachers and your school. So be thoughtful about how you handle an exam that you’re neither expecting to get much from or put much into.

Work at being good at high school

It may seem silly to talk about being a good high school student in the spring semester of your senior year, but the fact remains that you're still in high school and there's still more to be done. And yes, I'm very aware of "senioritis." Your parents and teachers may not want me to say it, but slowing down your last semester is completely normal and fine. Because it's true, you're not just a regular high school student any more. On top of your normal classes and activities, you also have a lot of college decisions to make. Many seniors go on more college visits once they get their acceptances and have to make a decision. Your time in high school is just about over. There are often Prom and Senior Trip and Senior Gifts and Senior Pranks to organize. And so it's normal and fine to begin a transition and be less committed.

But think about it this way: how crazy would it be for an athlete to be told she's going to be on the Olympic team, and then stop working out and practicing? How self-destructive would it be for an employee to get a big promotion and then celebrate by not showing up to work half the time and being rude to her team that helped her get the promotion? You're almost out of high school and into college. That's wonderful! Keep acting like a great student.

One way that senioritis works is for students to suddenly take on the "I don't need it to graduate" standard. Even good students find themselves failing classes or dropping their extracurricular activities simply because they don't need them to graduate. If your family has raised you with the bare minimum of parenting required not to get arrested for neglect, and your teachers have only done what was required to not get fired, then the "I don't need it to graduate" attitude is understandable. Otherwise, it's pretty reprehensible. Don't celebrate your transition to adulthood by acting like a toddler. It's that simple.

So what is a more healthy and productive transition? What, if you will, is Good Senioritis? Good Senioritis is the kind that begins to move away from high school realizing that you're moving Up. You act even more like a leader in your extracurriculars to pass your skills along to next year's seniors. You let the adults in your life know you appreciate all they've done to help you get to this new space. Even though you really are tired and stressed, you ask a lot of questions instead of whining or dropping out. Seriously, the last thing your teachers and parents need is for you to tell them how hard it is to be a responsible adult. They know. So ask them for guidance and be honest about your fears.

If you begin to jettison time-wasting school activities, fine. But also think about jettisoning time-wasting activities outside of school. The best way to prepare for college is to be a good high school student. While it's different being a high school student your last semester, you still need to be good at it. 

Choose a college

Most colleges ask for a commitment by May 1, and that’s the standard deadline for accepting or rejecting their admissions offers.  Take a lot of time to think about this. Talk to your family. Talk to your trusted teachers and counselors. Talk to your smart and ambitious friends. Talk to the financial aid offices. You’re not just making a choice about classes and professors, but a big part of your identity. Go back over the Five Foundations, especially the part about treating it like a relationship. Remember that while some schools may be a better fit than others, it’s hard to make the “wrong” choice unless you choose not to go anywhere.

Get financial aid

Most students depend on at least some financial aid to get through college. For most, the final decision about where to go is heavily--if not completely--influenced by financial considerations. Look through your financial aid offers very carefully. Ask a lot of questions. Talk to you family about money, often. Don't be afraid to ask a school for more money.

Make summer plans.

What do you need to do to get ready for college? Don't wait until the week before the fall semester to think about clothes for a new environment, bedding for a dorm, and transportation issues. If you've had a sluggish spring and need intellectual stimulation, see what your local museums or community centers offer. If you haven't had a job during high school, now is a good time to get some work experience, even if you don't think you need the money--especially if you don't need the money. It's tempting to treat this summer like a long nap, getting rested and doing very little before school next fall. But this is the best time to get prepared. Wherever you think you need improvement, be it physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, intellectual, or any combination, now is the time.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   Three things seniors can do while they wait

   Seniors, it’s time to decide

   What if you get a full ride?

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

How seniors can handle their Winter Break

These suggestions are made with seniors in mind, but they’re good advice for anyone with a few weeks off this winter.

Rest. This sounds obvious--of course you're going to rest. You have several weeks with no school! But for lots of students--and adults--it never quite seems to work this way. You stay up too late, thinking you'll sleep in, and then you have to get up earlier than you expected. Or you spend too much time in bed or on the couch, and you feel sluggish and dumpy. You can only get good rest from your break if you decide that you're actually going to and schedule for it. Decide that you're going to get 8-10 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night, and then plan accordingly. The time you spend awake will go much better if you do.

Spend quality time with people. Now is a great time to catch up with friends and family, but, like good sleep, quality time with people is also elusive. You go to parties and gatherings, you have text or Snapchat conversations, you spend a little time with people...and then you realize that you didn't really have any good conversations. Quality Time is usually thought of as time you spend with another person giving them your undivided attention. Schedule some time for this with a few good friends and/or family members.

Re-assess. Now is a great time for reflection and regrouping. Here are several exercises to try to keep that conversation with yourself productive and useful.

Highs and lows. Like a lot of families, at our dinner table we often go around and share our high and low moment of the day with each other. It's a better conversation starter with school-aged kids than "how was your day?" and it reinforces that every day has both the good and the bad. Take some time thinking about--and sharing with someone else--your high and low points over the fall semester and your college quest. What worked? What didn't? What felt good? What felt bad? Consider it all.

Two-month time machine. When evaluating your semester and planning ahead, think about a two-month time machine. If you could go back two months to re-try the fall, what's one thing you really wish you could change? You obviously can't really do it, but it's a good way to think about "lessons learned."

Restate your dreams and aspirations. Take some time and write a personal mission statement for the year, especially if you're a senior and moving on to college next fall. Or if you don't want to be so college-centric but want to spend time thinking about what's really important to you, try the "last-year test" method of thinking about New Year's Resolutions. 

Read. It's really tempting to read nothing--or nothing of merit--over the break. You've read so much over the past few months, so why do it on vacation? The answer is simple: now you get to choose what to read, and you can make engaging your intellect fun for yourself. Besides, if you're ready to concede that the only reason you read or learn is because you're assigned to by authorities, then you may want to re-think the whole college thing. Take back control of your mind by reading something. It doesn't have to be Important Literature if that's not what you like, just choose not to be a mental slacker.

Don't do any more college stuff than you absolutely have to. As contrary as it may sound, you really should use your time as a true break and not college-planning time. If you put things off with the idea that you'd do them over break, that's perfectly normal. But get them done first and with focus. You're not going to send out good applications if you're finishing them a little bit at a time while you also finish gift shopping and meet with friends. Make a plan to finish your college to-do list as quickly as possible into the break. If you have December 15th or January 1st deadlines, get those things sent out first and with focus. There's no good reason to wait until the 14th or 31st to send those out.

Don't expect other people to work over the break just because you do. Virtually every year of my time teaching high school I got at least one over-the-break plea from a student. They wanted one last look at an essay, or a last-minute recommendation sent, or help getting their English grade up a little but before the final grades were turned in. How I responded depended on the nature of the request and the student doing the requesting. Sometimes it really was an unexpected opportunity for a really on-top-of-things student, and I happily did what was asked. Sometimes I put forth a minimal amount of effort to just get along. Often I just said no. But please remember that sending other people things to do over the break feels about as crappy and unfair to them as it would to you if they gave sudden unexpected homework over the break. Don't do it.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

Senior application checklist

Hey seniors, this is for you!

There’s a lot going on this fall. You’re still in high school, with all the classes and out-of-class activities that entails. You’re also in a crucial phase of your college admission season, the phase where you have to do a lot of things and send out applications. In case you’re feeling lost or unsure, here’s a checklist of things for the fall.

Do you have your recommendation letters taken care of? It’s getting late for this. If you haven’t got these taken care of yet, do this first! You’re probably going to need one or two teacher recommendations, plus a counselor recommendation. You may also want, but probably won’t need, a letter from someone outside your school.

How do I ask a teacher for a recommendation letter?

Do you want or need a resume? Most colleges don’t require one for their applications, so you may not need one. The important thing right now is to know if you need one or not. Do any of the schools your applying to ask for—or allow for—you to submit a resume? Do any of the people writing recommendations for you want to see a resume? If so, get that done soon. If not, that’s something that can easily wait until the spring or even summer.

How do I put together a resume?

Is you college list final? You’re probably going to apply to anywhere from four to 10 colleges. Have you decided which ones you’ll apply to? I’d like you to choose four right away: two with acceptance rates over 50%, one with an acceptance rate under 20%, and one with an acceptance rate in between. Then, once those are ready, add on as many more as you’d like. But stick with those initial four. If your current list doesn’t include any with high acceptance rates, find a few that would be good for you, and find them quickly. Schools you’re likely to be accepted to should always be a priority over schools you’re not confident you’ll be accepted at. For all the schools on your list, look up some key financial facts: average net price, average percent need met, and average debt on graduation. You never know for sure what a school will cost until you apply, but do a gut check using these key stats.

Creating a balanced college list, for everyone.

Will you apply early anywhere? Most Early Decision and Early Action deadlines are coming up in about a week. There’s still time to submit, but you need to decide soon. Really soon.

The Glossary: Early Decision

The Glossary: Early Action

Are you building relationships with the schools on your list? Have you joined their mailing list to get information sent to you? Are you spending time looking at their websites—not just to look up a deadline or fact, but just to browse and get a feel for them? If possible, have you introduced yourself to your admissions representative for the school? Have you put their application deadline in your calendar? Are they already on your Common Application list (and Naviance list if your school uses it)? Do you know if and how they conduct interviews? Have you attended any in-person and/or online tours? These are places where you’re considering a relationship of at least a few years. Make sure you’re doing the things necessary to understand, as best as possible, who the other side of that relationship is.

How is your writing coming along? While some of the shorter, school-specific prompts won’t get addressed until you’re sure you’ll apply, you will probably end up writing a Common Application essay. Get this done as soon as possible. If you’re not done with the “finishing touches” until a day before you’re going to send it out, that’s fine. But you should have a good, almost-ready-to-send draft at least a week before that. The essay is definitely not something to procrastinate with. Get it finished!

How do I write a great essay?

Have you filed you FAFSA? This is your first step to getting financial aid. You’ll need cooperation from your parents or guardians, and you’ll probably have questions. So begin soon. Your goal is to have this submitted by the time you apply. Make the deadlines the same.

How to fill out the FAFSA form.

Do you know your target budget? There is a dollar amount above which a school is absolutely unaffordable for your family and below which a college is affordable. You need to know what that amount is.

Three things parents should stop saying to their children about financial aid.

When should you send the application? As soon as you’re sure your application is ready, send it on in. Every year, more of the students I work with have everything sent out by November 15—even applications with January 5 deadlines. Once they have everything done for early November deadlines, they go ahead and send out the rest. If you can do that, great! But of you’re a person who doesn’t really work like that and tends to finish things right before the deadline, then plan on sending it three to five days before the deadline. Do not wait until the last minute. Do not put it off until the last minute. Do not hope everything goes right in the last minute. There are lots of things that can go wrong in the last minute, and you don’t want to give those things too much power over your future choices. Plan on sending it in three to five days early. If something goes wrong, you have days to get it fixed instead of minutes.

Wherever you are in this checklist, from just beginning to already finished, just remember to be deliberate, thoughtful, and thorough. Remember that this is a process to open up future possibilities, not to judge your past actions. This is a great time to be optimistic and proud. You’re going to be fine.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   What are your chances of getting into your top college?

   Seniors, it’s fall. What should you be doing?

   What’s the right number of colleges to apply to?

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Angela Elisabeth

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

Seniors, it's fall. What should you be doing?

It’s hard to talk about back-to-school season, because there’s so much variety in when students actually go back. For some, school starts next week. Others won’t begin for another six weeks. But for seniors applying to college, “Fall” always begins August 1, when the applications open, and ends the first week of January, when almost all applications close. Whether you’ve been working on the college application process for two years or are just beginning to think about it, there’s a lot to do in the next few months. Below I outline the major categories for your checklist.

Continue being a good high school student. This is a tough line to walk senior year. On one hand, you really ought to be shifting your focus to next year. You have a lot of big decisions to make, and you need to allocate time and resources to working on strong applications and making informed decisions. Your daily high school homework isn’t quite as compelling as it was a year ago. On the other hand, you also need to be preparing yourself to be a good college student, and the best way to prepare for college is to be a good high school student. As tempting as it is, you can’t just coast through senior year; that never works as well as it seems like it should. So it’s perfectly normal and appropriate for you to be less diligent your senior year than your junior year. The important thing is to ask yourself why. If you’re spending less time and attention on high school because you’re spending more time on college and leadership opportunities, that’s fine. If you’re spending less time and attention on high school because you can see the finish line and you just want to have an easy year, you’re selling yourself short, missing opportunities to prepare for the near future, and annoying pretty much every adult around you. Doing well in your classes is actually easier than dealing with those annoyed adults.

Make sure you’re caught up on what you should have done this summer. Have you already got a solid first draft of a Common Application essay? If not, get on that soon. Have you written and updated your college mission statement? If not, do it immediately. Have you got a preliminary list of 20-25 colleges to take a closer look at? For each of them, have you signed up to be on their mailing list? Looked at their web sites for the admissions department, financial aid office, and departments for your potential major? Found out if and how they conduct interviews? Tried out their net price calculator? If so, that’s wonderful. If not, you still have time—but move quickly!

Take any tests you still need to take. Most students don’t need to take the SAT or ACT. About two thirds of colleges aren’t requiring them. But you may really want to apply to one or more of the other third, so find out if you need to take a test. There are still three SAT tests this fall you can register for. Same for the ACT. One thing I noticed this spring talking with rising seniors is that no-one wanted me to help them strategize about standardized tests. There were “no should I take it,” “how many times should I take it,” “should I take both the SAT and ACT,” or “what is a good score?” conversations. Most had taken a test and seemed content not to take it again. A few have already decided to re-take the SAT one more time, but there was no stress about it. Once it becomes time to apply, I expect a few “should I submit my scores"?” conversations, but the overall anxiety about test-optional seems way lower this year than in the past two. I hope that continues.

You’re going to need some letters of recommendation. You’ll need to decide—soon—who to ask, when to ask them, and how to ask them. Be as polite as possible. This is a personal favor, not part of their job. Don’t do what someone once did to a colleague of mine, cornering her in the bathroom to hand her paperwork. When my colleague asked if they could do this later, in a more appropriate place, the student left…and waited right outside the bathroom door to re-start the conversation. This is not a good plan to get someone to write nice things about you!

Narrow your college list, from 20-25 down to 4-10. Which ones do you keep on your list? Which ones do you let go of? There’s no single process. It helps to research as much as possible. It helps to meet with representatives at a college fair or at your school. An interview is helpful, and a campus visit is really helpful. Make sure you’re keeping the ones that best fit you mission statement.

And also make sure you cover several categories. Traditionally we talk about “safety” and “reach” schools, but let’s think about it a little differently. Everyone’s list should include at least one in-state, public university. If your state’s flagship state university is also very selective (Virginia, Texas, California, Michigan, and a few others), then make sure you include at least one in-state public university that is more achievable. For most people, most of the time, an in-state public school is going to be the most affordable, most attainable, and have the lowest living expenses—especially if you live at home.

You should also apply to several other schools—whether public or private, in state or out—that you feel pretty confident you’ll be accepted to. Maybe not absolutely, perfectly assured, but pretty confident. Your confidence should also include being confident that you’ll be able to afford it, based on the full price or a net price calculator. If you apply to three or four of these, including at least one in-state public, then you should feel ok.

You may also want to apply to some schools that you’re less confident about your acceptance. Apply to as many of these as you want, within reason. The best-case scenario is that you’re accepted to several, and at least one of them offers you a financial aid package that makes it within your range. A seemingly-good scenario is that you get accepted to many of them, and they all offer you good financial aid. But now you’ve got a stressful spring on your hands figuring out which one to pick. Since you can only choose one, too many similar options isn’t always a great thing. A worse scenario is that you don’t get accepted to any of them. That stings, but if you’re accepted to at least one of your confident schools, then you’re going to be ok. The very worst thing is being accepted to many or all of them, but not getting the aid to make any of them affordable.

Remember that some schools (the most prestigious and famous ones) have such low acceptance rates that absolutely no one should feel confident that they’ll be accepted. Even if you have perfect ACT scores and are top of your class, chances are still that you won’t get accepted to Harvard, Princeton, Stanford, or the other super-selective colleges. Once a school’s overall acceptance rate drops below 20%, it’s not something anyone should feel at all confident about. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try—thousands of people do get accepted to those schools every year. But nobody can count on it.

If I have a client, no matter how smart and accomplished, with a college list where every school has an acceptance rate below 50%, we have a talk about the risks of their “very aggressive” list (I’ve definitely done this before). If I had a client with a college list that only has schools with acceptance rates below 20%, then I’d tell them to either add some more reasonable schools or consider my money-back guarantee off the table. (Fortunately, I haven’t had to do that yet).

Beginning October 1, you can apply for federal financial aid using FAFSA. Everyone should do this, as soon as possible after October 1. Even if you’re not expecting to be eligible for financial aid, you should still apply as soon as possible. (Why should you apply for financial aid if you’re not expecting to get any? For one, you may be wrong, and it’s worth it to try. Also, some colleges use your ability to pay as a factor in admission. It helps if you provide documentation up front that you have the ability to pay. Plus, some programs will not award you merit scholarships without having a FAFSA.) Some universities, or programs within universities, may also ask you to use the CSS Profile.

Send your applications. Understand that most schools have multiple deadlines. Early Decision. Early Action. Preferred Application. VIP application. Regular decision. Deadline to be considered for scholarships. Each school has its own vocabulary, and each school has its own deadlines. Understand each one for each school you're considering, and understand which ones are relevant to you. There’s no great reason to send a regular application much earlier than the due date. But there’s no good reason to wait until the last minute, either. Plan on hitting the “submit” button three to five days before deadline. Early Decision and Early Action deadlines are typically—though not always—in November. Regular decision applications are typically—though not always—due in early January.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   Do you need a “brag sheet”?

   Should you submit your test scores to a test-optional college?

   My talk with seniors

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

Five considerations before making a last-minute decision

It’s the final few days before seniors have to make May 1st decisions and deposits. (If, for whatever reason, you’re looking for colleges still open for applications, check out NACAC’s list; it’s updated daily.)

While many have already made their final decision, many others are still trying to figure it all out. Every year I talk with students and families going through the last-minute decision process. Usually, the final decision is tough to make because a student is choosing between a few very good, but very different, options. I can’t make the decision any easier for you, but I can perhaps help you be more self-aware of the issues holding you up. Here are five things to consider as you’re making that last-minute decision.

What information do you wish you had to make this an easier choice? If there are basic facts to look up, you’ve probably already looked them up. The other questions don’t have clear answers, but it’s helpful to name them anyway. Take the buzzy anxiety out of your head and write it down in clear questions. Will I be able to find a job easily once I graduate? Will I find a strong social group easily at college? Will my family’s finances change and make a barely-affordable choice completely unaffordable? How will I handle this large transition? What environment will be the healthiest for me? How big a risk is too big? These are the types of big-picture questions I see students wrestling with when they’re struggling to make a decision. Name those questions and make sure you understand where your indecision is coming from.

Understand the difference in cost. If the colleges you’re considering have significantly different costs, take time to understand that difference. Why do they have different prices? Why do you think the more expensive one might be worth the extra cost? If you take the less expensive one, what will be done with the savings? If loans are involved, how much will the total cost of those loans (loan amount plus interest over time) be?

Understand the difference between reason and emotion. What are the rational reasons for attending any of the colleges you’re still considering? What are the emotional temptations pulling you towards them? Which seems the safer choice, and which feels more risky? How do you normally make decisions: with a pro/com list, or with a gut feeling? There’s nothing that says you have to go with the more reasonable, disciplined approach, and there’s nothing that says you should throw caution to the wind and go with instinct. Ideally, you will find the right balance of the two. But first it really helps to separate the logic from the emotions as best as you can.

Explain your decision before making it. For each of the schools you’re still considering, whether two or 10, write this sentence for each: “I’ve chosen to go to _____, because _____. I was also considering _____, but _____.” Don’t let your explanations be vague or long-winded. Write them down in clear sentences. And then read those sentences aloud, a lot, to multiple people, and see what resonates.

Don’t look back. Once you’ve chosen, be done with it and forget about the others. Make your deposit, and make a housing deposit. Go online and buy a school sweatshirt. Throw out or give away any t-shirts or materials from the others you were considering. Tell everyone you know where you’re going. Start looking for a roommate. Immerse yourself in planning for the fall—go to the website, read all the materials they send, mark your calendar. The sentence you used to explain your choice? Use it a lot.

After May 1st, the relative advantages and disadvantages of those other schools won’t disappear. You can spend the summer making yourself crazy wondering “what if?” You may start to wonder if it’s really too late to change your mind. You may start to think about transferring after the first year. You may take the difficult decision you make this week and stretch it out for months, not really getting anywhere. The smart thing to do, difficult as it is, is to let go and move on.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   What to do when you get waitlisted

   Don’t pass up a full ride

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

Trying to get more financial aid

It’s early April, seniors. By now you should have all your admission decisions back from colleges, and you should also have your financial aid offers. You’ve got a little less than a month to make your final decision, and cost is probably a major—if not the only—factor that will guide your decision on where to go. Comparing financial aid offers is tricky, because they’re not uniform and not always very clear. So the first thing to do is to go through them carefully and slowly with your family. If you have questions, ask. The schools should have given you the contact information for questions and concerns, so use that.

It’s very typical at this point to have two or three good choices and no clear top choice. If that’s the case, then you’ll probably choose the most affordable of them and be done with your search. But if you still have a single standout favorite, then after understanding the competing offers you may find yourself realizing that you’re unable to attend your top-choice school because of finances. If that’s the case, there’s still time to ask for more money, but you have to move quickly.

It is absolutely essential that you know how much money you still need. You should have this number already, because you and your family have talked about what is affordable for you. You’re down to the final days and very specific dollar amounts. You need a real number, not a hazy concept. If your family is saying that the top-choice school is still not within range, ask them how much money would make it affordable. You need that number. Otherwise, you don’t know what you’re asking for and won’t know if you get it.

Next, prioritize. You can make an effort to change one, maybe two, offers. Limit yourself to that. Don’t put yourself through the entire process again with a lot of places. Focus.

Have your back-up plan. Assume there will be no financial aid changes, and make a plan based on that assumption. Make your appeals, but assume that the offers you have are your final offers. Don’t hold onto so much hope that you don’t plan for the likely outcome.

Finally, understand that you’re not really negotiating. You’re not in a position of strength here. You’re not haggling, this is not a game, there is no winner. You’re simply asking for more money. You may get it, you may not. Be prepared for both. If you want to have a sense of how likely a school is to work with you, there are a few things to look up. First, see how many people took a place on the waitlist for the past few years, and also how many people on the waitlist actually got a spot. If the school uses a large waitlist and few people actually get off the waitlist, then “if you don’t give me more money I won’t go there” isn’t much of a threat. Also compare your bottom-line number to their average net price. If they’re asking more from you than what’s average, there may be some room to work. But again, these just give you an idea. They help you manage your own expectations. You don’t get an answer from the school until you ask, and last year’s stats don’t necessarily tell you anything about your own situation.

Understand what you’re asking for and why. Then explain both of those things as clearly as possible to the school. This isn’t the time for clever narratives or emotional pleas. Let them know what the problem is and ask them politely if they’re able to help solve it. Here are some common scenarios.

You’re asking for more need aid because your situation isn’t the same as what’s on your FAFSA. Your Expected Family Contribution and need are based on the information you submitted to the FAFSA (and sometimes the CSS Profile). But that information may be out of date, and your circumstances have changed significantly. One example might be that a parent or guardian is at a different job or no longer has a job, so their income is much lower. If this is the case, explain the issue, and provide as much documentation as possible. The more evidence, the better. Send along more recent tax documents, pay stubs, medical bills or other official documents that can help you show that your actual need is very different from the one that was calculated earlier.

You’re asking for more need aid because they gapped you. This probably isn’t an accident—they know they gapped you. Tell them that the school is still your top choice, but that you won’t be able to attend with the package they offered you. What if you can get by without getting the full need met? This is a difficult situation. If you let them know you don’t really need your full need met, then you may be asking for less than they might actually offer you. This is unlikely, but still a risk. If you tell them you absolutely need the full need met, then they may offer you nothing even though you may have got the lesser amount. So there’s a risk either way. I advise people to be upfront and tell them exactly how much you really need, but I understand people not wanting to ask less than the full need amount and “leave money on the table.”

You’re asking for more merit aid because, despite getting full need met, you don’t think you can actually afford to go without more. If they’ve met your full need beyond EFC, this is going to be tricky. But let them know and see. Be polite and show gratitude for meeting your full need. And let them know that, despite the formula, you still won’t be able to attend without more aid. Let them know exactly how much more you’re asking for—the smaller the number, the easier it may be to get them to offer it.

You’re asking for more merit aid because you got a better offer from a different school, but this one is still your top choice. It’s difficult to accept an offer from a school, even your favorite, when another school is offering a much better aid package. Let the school know your situation. Provide documentation of the better offer. Remember, you’re not haggling or negotiating. If you say “match this better offer or I’m not going to your school,” they can easily say “have a great time at the other school!” But if you’re saying that you and the school are a great match and it’s truly your top choice, but that your family just ins’t in a position to walk away from a better offer from another school that’s also a good fit…but not as good a fit, then say so and see what they can do. Again, make sure you’ve talked to your family and know what kind of price you’ll accept. The school is likely to give you more aid, but not as much as that other school is actually offering. Be emotionally prepared for this.

You’re asking for more merit aid because you would like more aid even though you can afford it. You won’t have to walk away from your top choice, you just think it doesn’t hurt to ask. You’re right, it doesn’t. But it’s difficult to explain and difficult to get sympathy. If they’ve meet your full EFC and you don’t have a cheaper offer from another school to document, you're essentially asking “hey, got any aid money left?” If this is what you’re doing, emphasize how great a fit the school is and how it’s your very top choice. Let them know that the aid package they’re offering is really going to stretch your family budget in a way that is difficult, that you’re hoping that more aid has been freed up, and that if it has you would like to be considered.

I wish you well in these final weeks, seniors! It’s still really stressful, but you’re almost there.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   Don’t pass up a full ride

   Make your choice and don’t look back

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

The element that's missing from a lot of LOCIs

So first, LOCI means Letter of Continued Interest. It’s what you write to a college who is offering you a wait list spot if you want to be on their wait list. It’s where you explain to them that you still really want to go to their school.

I don’t actually think you should take a wait list spot if you have affordable acceptances from any other colleges. I recommend the emotional empowerment of basically saying "screw you and your waitlist, I'm going to a place that already recognizes my awesomeness." (You may not want to literally say that.)

But if you do decide to hold out hope and take a place on the wait list, you’ll probably write a LOCI. Make sure, however, that the college wants one. Some schools require them, but some ask you not to send one. If there are any instructions from the individual school, follow those instructions!

In many LOCIs, there's a looming question a lot of people don’t address: if this is your top-choice school and you want to go here so badly, why didn’t you apply Early Decision? You’re writing this letter now saying that you love the college, it’s your first-choice pick, and if they accept you—even late in the summer—you will go there. The way to signal to a college that it’s your Number One and that you will definitely attend if admitted is to apply ED. So why didn’t you? You should address this directly. This is the thing that’s missing from a lot of LOCIs—explaining what’s changed—and you can make your LOCI better by addressing it. Even if you’re writing a LOCI for a college that doesn’t offer ED, you can write a stronger letter by thinking about this question and answering as if they did.

There are three main answers for why a person has a top-choice but didn’t apply ED if they could have.

One reason is that you’ve learned more about the school. Since applying, you’ve done more research, gone on a visit, or somehow gotten a better idea of what the school is all about. If this applies, say so, and explain what changed. Tell them what you’ve learned about them since you submitted your application. Be as specific as possible. Or maybe you are the one who’s changed. You’ve gained a better understanding of yourself or have made some major decisions that make the school a lot more attractive now than it was at the end of last year. Either way, the college feels like a much stronger fit that it did when you had the chance to apply ED. Make that clear, and give concrete details.

Another reason people don’t apply ED to a top-choice school is that they are fearful of applying ED because they want to compare financial aid offers. That’s perfectly reasonable and understandable. If you’re now in a situation where you wanted to apply ED to a school but held off for financial aid reasons, but the other financial aid offers you got just aren’t good enough to make you change your mind, say so. Make sure you discuss this with your family first, though. You’re basically signaling that attending the college is more important to you than financial aid. That’s potentially a very expensive thing to say, so be thoughtful about saying it. No, you’re not obligated to take a waitlist spot if they offer you one but don’t offer enough financial aid to make it affordable. But understand up front that they’re probably not going to offer much financial aid, because their budget may be limited by the time they get to the wait list. So if you think it’s a strong possibility that you won’t be able to afford to go even if they offer you a place, you may not want to bother with the LOCI and wait list.

There’s a third situation that’s tricky to write about. That’s when you’re asking for a wait list spot not because the college is really your first-choice pick, but because your first-choice pick didn’t accept you, and maybe your second also didn’t accept you, and now the top of your list is the one who waitlisted you. It’s hard to tell them “you never were my favorite, but now I guess you are, because all my favorites didn’t accept me. I’m feeling a little desperate.” You don’t need to hide this or feel embarrassed. Still, your LOCI will be stronger if you take the time do some research and write most of your LOCI as if you’ve learned a lot more about the school and/or learned more about yourself.

What else should you include in a LOCI? Give them any updates that may be useful. Has your GPA gone up at all? Have you won any awards, completed any big projects, or done anything else noteworthy? If there's anything that's substantially changed for the better since you applied, let them know about it. All this is going into a single page. Unless the school directs you otherwise, aim for 400-500 words.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   Three things seniors can do while they wait

   Make your choice and don’t look back

   Dealing with denial

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Angela Elisabeth.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

What seniors should do this spring

Dates & Deadlines

AP Exams are May 2-13. The College Board plans, at least right now, to be back at traditional pencil-and-paper exams, given in schools, this year.

You should already know which AP classes you’re taking and which exams you’re likely to take. But seniors are in a weird spot. High school AP Coordinators have to turn in registration materials much earlier than students have decided which exams they want to take. So you have to sign up for AP exams not knowing how they might affect you or if you really want to take them.

For example, if you end up going to a college that doesn’t give credit for AP exams, or will only give credit for a 5 when you’re on track for a 3, then you may not want to bother taking a test that’s not going to benefit you directly. But you usually have to register for the exam long before you know which college you’re going to next year. Here’s the best thing to do: go ahead and register for exams and act as though you’re going to take all of them. Act as though each score of 3 or higher will get you college credit, potentially saving you time and money. If that turns out not be the case, then talk with your teachers and counselor about what to do. Many seniors end up going into the exam room knowing that the exam either doesn’t gain them anything or that they’re not likely to get a good score, and so they go to sleep. While this practice, honestly, is not likely to have personal negative repercussions for you, it may have negative effects for your AP teachers and your school. So be thoughtful about how you handle an exam that you’re neither expecting to get much from or put much into.

Work at being good at high school

It may seem silly to talk about being a good high school student in the spring semester of your senior year, but the fact remains that you're still in high school and there's still more to be done. And yes, I'm very aware of "senioritis." Your parents and teachers may not want me to say it, but slowing down your last semester is completely normal and fine. Because it's true, you're not just a regular high school student any more. On top of your normal classes and activities, you also have a lot of college decisions to make. Many seniors go on more college visits once they get their acceptances and have to make a decision. Your time in high school is just about over. There are often Prom and Senior Trip and Senior Gifts and Senior Pranks to organize. And so it's normal and fine to begin a transition and be less committed.

But think about it this way: how crazy would it be for an athlete to be told she's going to be on the Olympic team, and then stop working out and practicing? How self-destructive would it be for an employee to get a big promotion and then celebrate by not showing up to work half the time and being rude to her team that helped her get the promotion? You're almost out of high school and into college. That's wonderful! Keep acting like a great student.

One way that senioritis works is for students to suddenly take on the "I don't need it to graduate" standard. Even good students find themselves failing classes or dropping their extracurricular activities simply because they don't need them to graduate. If your family has raised you with the bare minimum of parenting required not to get arrested for neglect, and your teachers have only done what was required to not get fired, then the "I don't need it to graduate" attitude is understandable. Otherwise, it's pretty reprehensible. Don't celebrate your transition to adulthood by acting like a toddler. It's that simple.

So what is a more healthy and productive transition? What, if you will, is Good Senioritis? Good Senioritis is the kind that begins to move away from high school realizing that you're moving Up. You act even more like a leader in your extracurriculars to pass your skills along to next year's seniors. You let the adults in your life know you appreciate all they've done to help you get to this new space. Even though you really are tired and stressed, you ask a lot of questions instead of whining or dropping out. Seriously, the last thing your teachers and parents need is for you to tell them how hard it is to be a responsible adult. They know. So ask them for guidance and be honest about your fears.

If you begin to jettison time-wasting school activities, fine. But also think about jettisoning time-wasting activities outside of school. The best way to prepare for college is to be a good high school student. While it's different being a high school student your last semester, you still need to be good at it. 

Choose a college

Most colleges ask for a commitment by May 1, and that’s the standard deadline for accepting or rejecting their admissions offers.  Take a lot of time to think about this. Talk to your family. Talk to your trusted teachers and counselors. Talk to your smart and ambitious friends. Talk to the financial aid offices. You’re not just making a choice about classes and professors, but a big part of your identity. Go back over the Five Foundations, especially the part about treating it like a relationship. Remember that while some schools may be a better fit than others, it’s hard to make the “wrong” choice unless you choose not to go anywhere.

Get financial aid

Most students depend on at least some financial aid to get through college. For most, the final decision about where to go is heavily--if not completely--influenced by financial considerations. Look through your financial aid offers very carefully. Ask a lot of questions. Talk to you family about money, often. Don't be afraid to ask a school for more money.

Make summer plans

What do you need to do to get ready for college? Don't wait until the week before the fall semester to think about clothes for a new environment, bedding for a dorm, and transportation issues. If you've had a sluggish spring and need intellectual stimulation, see what your local museums or community centers offer. If you haven't had a job during high school, now is a good time to get some work experience, even if you don't think you need the money--especially if you don't need the money. It's tempting to treat this summer like a long nap, getting rested and doing very little before school next fall. But this is the best time to get prepared. Wherever you think you need improvement, be it physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, intellectual, or any combination, now is the time.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read What Should I Be Doing Now? for other grades. Spring updates will available for all grades by the end of the week.

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Angela Elisabeth.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

How to handle bad news

Yesterday, December 15, was a day of good news for many college applicants. Thousands of students learned that their Early Decision or Early Action applications had been accepted. Congratulations to all of them!

But it was also a sad day for thousands more, who had their ED and EA applications deferred or denied. (Colleges use the term “denied,” because although they are denying you acceptance to their school they don’t want you to feel like it’s a personal rejection. Every student I know calls it “rejection,” because—at least at first—it indeed does feel like a personal rejection.)

If you got good news, you know what to do. ED applicants—you’re done! Enjoy your break and enjoy your spring! EA acceptances mean you have some place to go and some place to compare your later offers to. That’s a nice spot to be in.

If you got bad news, though, you may not know what to do. You may be overwhelmed with questions or disappointment. So here’s some advice on dealing with the bad news.

First, understand what you’re looking at: is it a no or a maybe? If you are denied, then it means they are not going to enroll you. You won’t be going there; it’s decided. But very often with ED and EA applications, they don’t actually tell you no. They instead defer you to the regular decision pool. Your application will be looked at again, and you still may be accepted—or waitlisted—when those decisions come out. You may still be going to your top-choice school.

Either denied or deferred, if you applied ED this means you need to make sure you have other applications ready to go for regular admissions deadlines, mostly around January 1st. That gives you several weeks. That’s not a whole lot of time, but you were probably working on them anyway. You’ve got time to catch up. Make sure that your applications include a wide range of selectivity. Don’t assume that because you got denied or deferred once that it means you “can’t get in” at a low-acceptance-rate school and decide not to apply to any.

You should also apply to at least one or two schools where you are very confident you will be accepted. For some students, this means making sure you include schools with acceptance rates over 50%. For some it means making sure to include schools with acceptance rates over 70%. For some it may mean applying to schools with acceptance rates over 90%. You probably know which category you fit in—for most, 70% is a good standard, just to be sure.

If you applied EA, this probably doesn’t change much. You were already working on other applications and weren’t completely sure you want to go to this one school. Otherwise, you would have applied ED. So you’ve got emotions to work through, perhaps, but you’re on track.

If you’ve got emotions about the bad news—and you probably do—then you should work hard to name them and understand them. Work on at least one sentence that follows the “I feel _____ because _____” pattern.

I feel disappointed, because I really wanted to go to that college, and they denied me. I feel discouraged, because this denial makes me question how well my other applications are going to go. I feel embarrassed, because I acted as though this was going to be my college, and now I have to find another one. I feel angry, because I think they underestimated me and are taking away an opportunity.

You’ll probably have more than one feeling, and they’ll change over time. If you’ve got negative feelings, that’s not a problem. Don’t listen to the people who tell you not to feel that way. You don’t, in fact, need to stay positive. But one of the most productive ways to make sure your negative feelings don’t sabotage your chances with future applications is to have a clear idea of what your feelings are and where they’re coming from. Naming your feelings is a way to help keep them from controlling you. You’ll probably want to discuss those feelings with someone you trust.

If you got bad news of any kind, you may be wondering what you did wrong. It’s normal to do this, to want to know that one thing that messed things up for you: they must not have liked my essay, or my test scores were too low, or even I know someone with worse grades who got in, so there’s something unfair going on. Let go of this thinking as soon as you can. It’s normal, but it’s not useful or productive. Holistic admissions means that there’s no one thing that you did wrong. It’s just not that simple. The truth, which you may find reassuring but may find frustrating, is that you probably did absolutely nothing wrong. It may be that you did everything fine, but the school had more applicants who did everything fine than they could accept. This is why, other than politeness, they don’t call it a rejection.

If you’re experiencing strong negative emotions and making strong negative assumptions—things like “I won’t be able to have a successful life now that I’m not going to my top choice school” or “I’m not going to be accepted to any college”—then you may need to work on what psychologists call decatastrophizing. You can search for “decatastrophizing worksheet” and find plenty of examples, and they all ask you to logically and honestly ask yourself what the worst possible outcome really is, how likely that worst-case scenario really is, and what you plan to do if that worst case does (or doesn’t) come true. No matter what it feels like right now, the odds that this one college decision will actually be your downfall and ruin your life are incredibly small.

Remember that you planned for this. You knew this might happen, and you planned for it. Even if you applied ED, you knew that you would need a plan B and had other schools in mind. If you applied EA, then you definitely had other schools in mind. You certainly hoped to get good news in the first round, but you knew that it might not be the case. You have a few weeks to finish other applications to most schools, and even longer for some schools with late deadlines or rolling admissions. This is disappointing, but it’s nothing you aren’t prepared for.

The only thing left to do is take the next step. And unless you applied ED to one school and haven’t got a back-up, you already know what the next step is. Feel disappointed or frustrated or sad or embarrassed or whatever else you feel, and then finish up those other applications if you haven’t yet. Don’t decide that you need to throw your entire plan out the window and start all over again at zero. Don't decide that you’re a failure. Don’t decide that you will not even bother applying to college. Don’t spend the next two weeks feeling too bad to do anything about it. Just do what’s next, the logical next step, and you’ll be fine.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Check out these related Apply with Sanity posts:

   What to do when you get waitlisted

   What are your chances of getting into your top college?

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Angela Elisabeth.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

Looking forward to winter break for seniors

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! The first day back from Thanksgiving may seem a little early to be writing about what to do over the winter break that’s still a few weeks away. However, I know many students are already planning for—or at least daydreaming about—their winter break already, so it makes sense to go ahead and start thinking about it a little.

These suggestions are made with seniors in mind, but they’re good advice for anyone with a few weeks off this winter. I’m also assuming a reasonably “normal” December. While a few of the students I work with are still very much in pandemic chaos, most are living relatively normal lives. Not all have been going on college tour trips, but a lot more have than last year (which was zero). Most are vaccinated and schooling in person. At this moment, though, the world is bracing for the Omicron variant and wondering how bad things can be. Please, please be careful out there.

Rest. This sounds obvious--of course you're going to rest. You have several weeks with no school! But for lots of students--and adults--it never quite seems to work this way. You stay up too late, thinking you'll sleep in, and then you have to get up earlier than you expected. Or you spend too much time in bed or on the couch, and you feel sluggish and dumpy. You can only get good rest from your break if you decide that you're actually going to and schedule for it. Decide that you're going to get 8-10 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night, and then plan accordingly. The time you spend awake will go much better if you do.

Spend quality time with people. Now is a great time to catch up with friends and family, but, like good sleep, quality time with people is also elusive. You go to parties and gatherings, you have text or Snapchat conversations, you spend a little time with people...and then you realize that you didn't really have any good conversations. Quality Time is usually thought of as time you spend with another person giving them your undivided attention. Schedule some time for this with a few good friends and/or family members.

Re-assess. Now is a great time for reflection and regrouping. Here are several exercises to try to keep that conversation with yourself productive and useful.

Highs and lows. Like a lot of families, at our dinner table we often go around and share our high and low moment of the day with each other. It's a better conversation starter with school-aged kids than "how was your day?" and it reinforces that every day has both the good and the bad. Take some time thinking about--and sharing with someone else--your high and low points over the fall semester and your college quest. What worked? What didn't? What felt good? What felt bad? Consider it all.

Two-month time machine. When evaluating your semester and planning ahead, think about a two-month time machine. If you could go back two months to re-try the fall, what's one thing you really wish you could change? You obviously can't really do it, but it's a good way to think about "lessons learned."

Restate your dreams and aspirations. Take some time and write a personal mission statement for the year, especially if you're a senior and moving on to college next fall. Or if you don't want to be so college-centric but want to spend time thinking about what's really important to you, try the "last-year test" method of thinking about New Year's Resolutions. 

Read. It's really tempting to read nothing--or nothing of merit--over the break. You've read so much over the past few months, so why do it on vacation? The answer is simple: now you get to choose what to read, and you can make engaging your intellect fun for yourself. Besides, if you're ready to concede that the only reason you read or learn is because you're assigned to by authorities, then you may want to re-think the whole college thing. Take back control of your mind by reading something. It doesn't have to be Important Literature if that's not what you like, just choose not to be a mental slacker.

Don't do any more college stuff than you absolutely have to. As contrary as it may sound, you really should use your time as a true break and not college-planning time. If you put things off with the idea that you'd do them over break, that's perfectly normal. But get them done first and with focus. You're not going to send out good applications if you're finishing them a little bit at a time while you also finish gift shopping and meet with friends. Make a plan to finish your college to-do list as quickly as possible into the break. If you have December 15th or January 1st deadlines, get those things sent out first and with focus. There's no good reason to wait until the 14th or 31st to send those out.

Don't expect other people to work over the break just because you do. Virtually every year of my time teaching high school I got at least one over-the-break plea from a student. They wanted one last look at an essay, or a last-minute recommendation sent, or help getting their English grade up a little but before the final grades were turned in. How I responded depended on the nature of the request and the student doing the requesting. Sometimes it really was an unexpected opportunity for a really on-top-of-things student, and I happily did what was asked. Sometimes I put forth a minimal amount of effort to just get along. Often I just said no. But please remember that sending other people things to do over the break feels about as crappy and unfair to them as it would to you if they gave sudden unexpected homework over the break. Don't do it.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Check out three related Apply with Sanity posts:

   “What movies should you watch before going to college?”

   “What are the strongest signs of success?”

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

Do you need a "brag sheet?"

Brag Sheet. It’s a term I hear a lot in September and October, but only in those months. I learned the term in the context of college letters of recommendation, and that’s the only context I’ve ever heard it in. If you ask a teacher or counselor for a rec letter, they may ask you for a brag sheet. What does that mean?

Basically, a brag sheet is a resume, but less formal. (If they ask for a resume, give them a full and formal resume.) The teacher would like you to list your activities and accomplishments so they can have it in front of them when they’re writing your letter. Many teachers—especially those who teach 11th grade English and math classes—get a lot of letter requests. A brag sheet helps them stay focused and write a letter more quickly. That makes sense.

I encourage you to have a brag sheet ready in case a teacher or counselor asks for one, and I also encourage you not to give it to them unless they ask for it. The best recommendations are personal and talk about something beyond what a student has accomplished. They talk about the student’s character and, ideally, include examples of the recommender’s experience with the student. A brag sheet makes it very easy for a recommender to avoid that and instead write something much less personal that lists the student’s activities and accomplishments—things the student already lists in other places on their application.

When you first ask someone for a recommendation, do so in a way that prompts them to write about the more personal, character-driven letter you’re hoping for. Instead of

“Mr. Holloway, can you write me a letter of recommendation?”

try

“Mr. Holloway, I’m putting together my college applications, and I’m really trying to emphasize my creative problem solving. Would it be possible for you to write me a letter of recommendation? I was remembering the time in class when the computer crashed in the middle of my class presentation and I still found a way to get the information across without it.”

Make your request in writing, probably over email. If there’s something you want them to write about, let them know. Don’t just hope. You can’t control whether they actually write what you want, but you can ask.

But if someone does ask for a brag sheet, what should you do?

If you already have a resume, begin with that. You’ll want your brag sheet to be absolutely no more than one page, and you’ll want to tailor it to this teacher and this request. If you don’t already have a resume, you’re going to build up the brag sheet from scratch. Remember that it doesn’t need to be as formal as a resume. It isn’t for a wide audience; it’s for a specific person. Make it for that person.

At the top, include all your basic information. Name, grade, contact information. A teacher looking through a stack of papers on their desk (or stuffed into a bag or drawer) should be able to find yours quickly and easily. Put your name on the top, and make it big. If you’re sending your brag sheet over email, make it very clear in the email subject line what’s in the email. Something like “Brag sheet for _____’s rec letter due _____.”

Under that, include the three basic categories: education, experience, and accomplishments. But personalize that information for that person. Include your overall GPA, but also list what classes you took with that teacher—if it’s for a teacher—and the grades you got in those classes. (Because of privacy laws and data management, teachers rarely have access to student records from previous years.) List your activities and accomplishments that relate directly to that class and that teacher. List as many accomplishments, clubs, and activities you want, but make sure it doesn’t go over one page, and make sure the more directly related to that person, the higher up on the list.

Also include what you want your recommender to write about. If there are specific qualities you’re trying to get across in your application, like intellectual passion or creative problem solving, list those qualities near the top of your brag sheet. If there are specific stories or examples you want that person to write about, find a way to fit it into your brag sheet.

A teacher asking for a brag sheet is essentially asking you to help them make the letter-writing process easier for them. Be absolutely honest and accurate, and help them make it easier to write the letter you are hoping for, not just the letter they might write when they have time. You don’t want a generic form letter, so don’t give them a generic brag sheet. Make it specific, make it easy to read, and make it easy for the teacher or counselor to write you the best letter possible.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   How do I ask a teacher for a recommendation letter?

   How do I put together a resume?

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Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

What seniors should be doing this fall

It’s back-to-school season, and for incoming seniors this year is a really big one. Whether you’ve been working on the college application process for two years or are just beginning to think about it, there’s a lot to do in the next few months. Below I outline the major categories for your checklist.

Continue being a good high school student. This is a tough line to walk senior year. On one hand, you really ought to be shifting your focus to next year. You have a lot of big decisions to make, and you need to allocate time and resources to working on strong applications and making informed decisions. Your daily high school homework isn’t quite as compelling as it was a year ago. On the other hand, you also need to be preparing yourself to be a good college student, and the best way to prepare for college is to be a good high school student. As tempting as it is, you can’t just coast through senior year; that never works as well as it seems like it should. So it’s perfectly normal and appropriate for you to be less diligent your senior year than your junior year. The important thing is to ask yourself why. If you’re spending less time and attention on high school because you’re spending more time on college and leadership opportunities, that’s fine. If you’re spending less time and attention on high school because you can see the finish line and you just want to have an easy year, you’re selling yourself short, missing opportunities to prepare for the near future, and annoying pretty much every adult around you. Doing well in your classes is actually easier than dealing with those annoyed adults.

This year it may be harder than normal to be a good high school student. While some areas are indeed back to normal, in most of the country there’s still a Covid crisis happening. High schools are having a hard time being good high schools, too. Even if you’re fortunate enough to be back to normal, things haven’t been “normal” for you since 9th grade. A lot has happened, and there are still a lot of changes and uncertainty. Whether you’re fully online, fully back to school in person, or some hybrid, please understand that everyone understands how rough the past few years have been. If your grades have dropped or if you’re having difficulty staying focused because of unexpected circumstances, you will have an opportunity to explain that and be heard. Even in the middle of a pandemic, you should do your best. But colleges aren’t asking you to do more than that. With that in mind, let’s look at what else you can do to prepare for college.

Make sure you’re caught up on what you should have done this summer. Have you already got a solid first draft of a Common Application essay? If not, get on that soon. Have you written and updated your college mission statement? If not, do it immediately. Have you got a preliminary list of 20-25 colleges to take a closer look at? For each of them, have you signed up to be on their mailing list? Looked at their web sites for the admissions department, financial aid office, and departments for your potential major? Found out if and how they conduct interviews? Tried out their net price calculator? If so, that’s wonderful. If not, you still have time—but move quickly!

Take any tests you still need to take. Most students don’t need to take the SAT or ACT. About two thirds of colleges aren’t requiring them. But you may really want to apply to one or more of the other third, so find out if you need to take a test. There are still three SAT tests this fall you can register for. Same for the ACT. Whether or not those tests happen or get cancelled like many before them will depend on the ongoing Delta surge as much as anything else.

You’re going to need some letters of recommendation. You’ll need to decide—soon—who to ask, when to ask them, and how to ask them. Be as polite as possible. This is a personal favor, not part of their job. Don’t do what someone once did to a colleague of mine, cornering her in the bathroom to hand her paperwork. When my colleague asked if they could do this later, in a more appropriate place, the student left…and waited right outside the bathroom door to re-start the conversation. This is not a good plan to get someone to write nice things about you!

Narrow your college list, from 20-25 down to 3-10. Which ones do you keep on your list? Which ones do you let go of? There’s no single process. It helps to research as much as possible. It helps to meet with representatives at a college fair or at your school. An interview is helpful, and a campus visit is really helpful. Make sure you’re keeping the ones that best fit you mission statement.

And also make sure you cover several categories. Traditionally we talk about “safety” and “reach” schools, but let’s think about it a little differently. Everyone’s list should include at least one in-state, public university. If your state’s flagship state university is also very selective (Virginia, Texas, California, Michigan, and a few others), then make sure you include at least one in-state public university that is more achievable. For most people, most of the time, an in-state public school is going to be the most affordable, most attainable, and have the lowest living expenses—especially if you live at home.

You should also apply to several other schools—whether public or private, in state or out—that you feel pretty confident you’ll be accepted to. Maybe not absolutely, perfectly assured, but pretty confident. Your confidence should also include being confident that you’ll be able to afford it, based on the full price or a net price calculator. If you apply to three or four of these, including at least one in-state public, then you should feel ok.

You may also want to apply to some schools that you’re less confident about your acceptance. Apply to as many of these as you want, within reason. The best-case scenario is that you’re accepted to several, and at least one of them offers you a financial aid package that makes it within your range. A seemingly-good scenario is that you get accepted to many of them, and they all offer you good financial aid. But now you’ve got a stressful spring on your hands figuring out which one to pick. Since you can only choose one, too many similar options isn’t always a great thing. A worse scenario is that you don’t get accepted to any of them. That stings, but if you’re accepted to at least one of your confident schools, then you’re going to be ok. The very worst thing is being accepted to many or all of them, but not getting the aid to make any of them affordable.

Remember that some schools (the most prestigious and famous ones) have such low acceptance rates that absolutely no one should feel confident that they’ll be accepted. Even if you have perfect ACT scores and are top of your class, chances are still that you won’t get accepted to Harvard, Princeton, Stanford, or the other super-selective colleges. Once a school’s overall acceptance rate drops below 20%, it’s not something anyone should feel at all confident about. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try—thousands of people do get accepted to those schools every year. But nobody can count on it.

If I have a client, no matter how smart and accomplished, with a college list where every school has an acceptance rate below 50%, we have a talk about the risks of their “very aggressive” list (I’ve definitely done this before). If I had a client with a college list that only has schools with acceptance rates below 20%, then I’d tell them to either add some more reasonable schools or consider my money-back guarantee off the table. (Fortunately, I haven’t had to do that yet).

Beginning October 1, you can apply for federal financial aid using FAFSA. Everyone should do this, as soon as possible after October 1. Even if you’re not expecting to be eligible for financial aid, you should still apply as soon as possible. (Why should you apply for financial aid if you’re not expecting to get any? For one, you may be wrong, and it’s worth it to try. Also, some colleges use your ability to pay as a factor in admission. It helps if you provide documentation up front that you have the ability to pay. Plus, some programs will not award you merit scholarships without having a FAFSA.) Some universities, or programs within universities, may also ask you to use the CSS Profile.

Send your applications. Understand that most schools have multiple deadlines. Early Decision. Early Action. Preferred Application. VIP application. Regular decision. Deadline to be considered for scholarships. Each school has its own vocabulary, and each school has its own deadlines. Understand each one for each school you're considering, and understand which ones are relevant to you. There’s no great reason to send a regular application much earlier than the due date. But there’s no good reason to wait until the last minute, either. Plan on hitting the “submit” button three to five days before deadline. Early Decision and Early Action deadlines are typically—though not always—in November. Regular decision applications are typically—though not always—due in early January.

This year is going to be busy and stressful and emotional. And you’re going to be great!

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   Three pandemic changes I hope will become permanent

   Should you submit your test scores to a test-optional college?

3. Ask a question—or share other resources—in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

How do you write a great application essay?

If this is the summer between your junior and senior years of high school, then now is probably the best time for you to work on your application essays. I understand that you’re not sitting around doing nothing this summer, but with school out you probably have more unstructured time to work on the essays than if you wait until fall. Some of the most miserable high school seniors I’ve ever worked with were students trying to write application essays days before the deadline. You should have a solid draft ready to go by September 15th at the latest. If you need to keep revising and editing, that’s fine. But get yourself to “only an hour left to finish it” as soon as possible.

Most the students I work with end up writing two “big” application essays. They’ll write one for the Common Application, and they’ll write one for their state public university application. There are certainly some public colleges that accept the Common App, but many—especially the larger systems—have their own application. And yes, you can use the same essay for both; prompt #7 on the Common App allows you to share an essay on any prompt, even if it’s an essay you’ve already written. But from my experience, once you factor in the long Common App essay, smaller supplemental prompts, public university application prompts, and prompts for honors programs or scholarships, most write two longer essays and have a stable of smaller responses that get shifted and re-used for various other tasks.

Let’s step back and ask why colleges ask for an essay in the first place. Back when I first left the classroom and started writing and advising about college admissions, I talked with a friend who is also an admission dean. I asked for the inside scoop on essays. What, exactly, do you do with them? Do you run them through programs to determine Lexile levels and readability scores? Do you match them against databases to find cliches and plagiarism? She politely told me I was making things way too complicated. “We read them, that’s what we do with them,” she told me. That’s it.

Admission officers are looking for a few things when they read your essays. They want to make sure that you’re prepared to do college-level writing. That doesn’t mean that you already have to write like a college senior; you’ll probably take a writing course early in your college years. But it means that if you don’t show that you’ve at least mastered high school-level writing and aren’t ready to begin college writing, then that’s a problem for them.

The other thing they’re reading for is to get to know who you are as a person. Transcripts and test scores are pretty impersonal. It’s the recommendation letters and essays that show who you are and who you might become. College is not just an honor society for high school students. Universities don’t exist just to recognize your hard work in high school. They are places where people develop and work together, so colleges want to see who you are as a person, not just your recent accomplishments.

Ok. With that big picture always in mind, how do you actually go about putting together an application essay?

The first thing to know is that you’re playing offense, not defense. Too many students look at the prompts, try to think of a response, and then write something. They take a defensive stance, wondering how they should respond in order to seem worthy to the universities. Instead of thinking of yourself as a passive commodity for the schools to peruse, think of yourself as an interesting person and decide what you want the schools to know about you. The essay is your primary way to show the schools that you’re a person, so make sure you show them what a great person you are.

Don’t start by looking at the prompts! I had a really great literature professor in college who talked to us about the essay questions on her final exam. She said that, ideally, the final exam would simply say “Explain.” Then we’d have two hours to explain what we’d discovered and learned over the semester, and she could assess us from that. However, lots of students would be confused or anxious about such an open-ended test, so she posed several essay questions, each ending with “Explain.”

College admissions essays are similar. What they really want to ask is “So, tell us about yourself.” But that would be too weird for too many applicants, so they ask more specific questions to get you to tell them about yourself.

So instead of beginning with the prompts and taking a defensive stance, begin with yourself. Think about several things:

• What makes you an interesting person?

• What skills and traits do you have that will make you successful at college?

• Other than your grades, what do people praise you for?

• How do you fit into your communities, and what kinds of communities do you want to belong to?

• What are you hoping to get out of college?

• What are you hoping to provide to your college?

• What separates you from your friends at school?

• What gets you intellectually excited? What do you do when you’re excited?

• What’s happened to you in the past three years that has most changed who you are?

• How do you hope to change over the next three years?    

• You’ve matured in the past three years—what evidence or stories have you got to show it?

• What’s the most recent un-assigned book you loved?

• If you could design the perfect college course for yourself, what would it be?

• If you wanted to impress a stranger in under a minute, what would you tell them about yourself?

Spend some serious time thinking about these and similar questions, and think about what kind of a presentation you’d make to an admissions committee about yourself. Once you have that in mind, then go and look at the prompts. Think about which prompts can best highlight the qualities you want to talk about, and then go from there.

Nobody likes a show-off. This is tough to remember when you’re being asked to talk about your accomplishments, but it’s still true. When you’re writing your essays and speaking to people, you want to make it clear that your accomplishments are not traits in themselves, but evidence of your important personal traits.

So it’s not just that you were captain of the basketball team, but that the challenges of being captain of the basketball team taught you a lot about motivating others and yourself. It’s not that you had the highest grade in your math class, but that the rewards of good grades highlight your resilience and ability to meet self-imposed goals. It’s not that it felt great to win the debate trophy, but that your ability to cooperate and collaborate with a partner made you successful at the debate tournament. It’s not that your band went to Regionals, but...you get the idea.

Balance style and content. I often had students ask me which is more important on admissions essays: the writing itself or what the writing talks about. The answer is both. A poorly written essay about something really cool is neither better nor worse than a really polished piece of meaningless fluff. Work on both. A lot.

Most college admissions essay sound alike. This makes sense. There’s a limited range of possibilities—most of the applicants are about the same age, come from the same national cultural background, and are high school seniors. There’s only so much variety you can have. So don’t worry about writing something that’s going to be completely different—worry about making yours stand out in small ways. In a 650-word essay, a single sentence can make a huge difference. So pay attention to each sentence.

Consider the past, present, and future. Whatever personal quality you’re talking about, make sure to include—even in small ways—how you developed this trait in the past, how you’re displaying that trait now at the end of high school, and how you think that trait will be useful in college.

Some things NOT to do:

1. Rehashing what’s already in your transcript. If you only say things in your essay that the admissions committee can already see on your transcript or test scores, you’re missing a big opportunity.

2. The Mission Trip essay. Maybe you went on a mission trip or some other service project, and you learned a lot about people in different circumstances than yourself. Maybe you felt that they affected you more than you affected them. That’s wonderful, but please understand that the admissions counselors have seen this essay a gazillion times and it’s going to be extremely hard to make yours stand out. If you write this essay, make sure you work hard on highlighting your own personal traits and not just the epiphany you had. I’ve also seen many weird essays where the student basically argues that the way of life of those being helped is superior to the writer’s way of life. These essays have sentences along the lines of “they may be poor, but they take care of each other and have true happiness.” This is a great idea if you’re applying to go and live among the people you helped in your service project, but not so much if you’re applying to a expensive college.

3. Unbalanced before & after. Many essays use a “before and after” structure as a way to talk about personal growth or overcoming setbacks. I used to be unmotivated, but now I’m motivated. I used to be a bad student, but now I’m a good student. I used to be selfish, but now I’m involved in helping others. Things like that. If you write this kind of essay, make sure you spend most of your time and words on the positive, not the negative. I’ve seen too many essays that spend about 90% of their words on describing the negative in great detail, and then give a vague “but I got better.” Spend no more than 20% on the negative Before, and most of the essay on the positive After.

4. On any type of essay that is going to multiple schools (like the Common Application), you should not name any individual school or place. If you send an essay to individual schools that includes a school name, make sure you have the right name. Many students send the same writing to multiple schools and simply replace one school name for another. If you do this, make sure you replace them ALL.

5. There’s a common misperception that your essay needs to be some kind of “sob story” that gets tons of sympathy from the readers. That’s not true. This year the Common App even added a prompt about gratitude and positive stories. If what you want to write about involves major challenges or even trauma, that’s not a problem. Work on that essay. But never try to amplify or exaggerate a minor challenge to make it sound traumatic just because you think it will make you look better to an admissions officer. It will actually have the opposite effect.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Check out these related Apply with Sanity posts:

   Writing about your unique circumstances

   Yes, you can write about that

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

Seniors, are you still deciding on a college?

The deadline for most seniors to accept or decline most admissions offers is coming up soon--May 1. You may have already made that decision a while ago. If so, congratulations! But if you're still struggling to choose between two schools, or three schools, or seven schools or however many, then you may be looking for some help. 

At this point, I'm assuming that money probably isn't the issue. If you're stuck choosing between two similar schools where one costs wildly more than the other, then you're not really struggling to decide...you're just procrastinating.  Take the more affordable choice; you’ll be glad you did. I'm also guessing that if you're still struggling to decide, then a simple "make a list of pros and cons for each school" is something you've already thought of and found unhelpful.

First, consider all the stats. You’re probably already familiar with their acceptance rate, graduation rate, and basic return-on-investment data. But there are more things to consider:

What is the average daily temperature on September 5, January 10, March 15, and May 30? We all know, in general, that it's colder up north and warmer down south. But you'll want something more specific than that. What is the weather likely to be on your first day of class in fall, the first day of class in the spring, Spring Break, and the last day of class?

How much it will cost to get there and back? How long will it take? If you will be driving from home to college, how long is the drive? Will you need to stop overnight? How much gas is that going to take? (More on gas soon.) If you fly, how long is the flight? Are there non-stops, or do you take multiple flights? How expensive is that? How likely--and possible, even--is it for you to visit home during the year? How important is that to you?

What is the school's sophomore retention rate? That is, how many first-year students come back to the school for a second year? All the schools you're considering probably have similar rates, but any that are significantly higher or lower than the others should get your attention. To get a high retention rate, a school has to do just about everything right: interesting classes, helpful financial aid, and a reputation for being worth the cost and trouble. Take notice of which schools on your list do this better than others.

Is the school on the list of Top Party Schools? Every year Princeton Review ranks the top party schools. They also rank "Stone Cold Sober Schools," which is the opposite. Party sounds fun and positive, but keep in mind the way that these schools are ranked: "Schools on the "Party Schools" list are those at which surveyed students' answers indicated a combination of low personal daily study hours (outside of class), high usages of alcohol and drugs on campus and high popularity on campus for frats/sororities." If they were to re-title the list "schools that attract drunks who don't study" would it sound so fun and exciting?

Compare the size of the campus to the size of its home town. For example, Boston University, University of Southern California, and University of Louisiana at Lafayette have similar numbers of undergrad students. B.U. is in a city of almost 700,000, U.S.C. is in a city of almost 4 million, and Lafayette has around 127,000 people. Those are very different contexts.

How diverse is the school? What's the racial/ethnic breakdown? How much of the student body comes from out of state? How much of it is international? How important is it to you to have a chance to study and learn with people who are different than you and have different backgrounds?

How much is the price of gasoline? If you'll be driving, the amount of money you have to pay to keep your tank full can be quite different depending on where you are. Going to school in an expensive-gas state has a different cost of living than going to a cheap-gas state. Check here to know where the different areas are.

Ok, now that you have more information, here are some strategies for helping you make the final decision.

Go back over your college mission statement carefully. Decide how many separate factors are a part of it, and then see how many of those factors are met by each school. The one that comes closest to meeting all your factors is where you should go. If you haven't yet made a mission statement, it's not too late.

Maybe there's a school that you would like to consider, but it's a little outside your comfort zone. Perhaps it's farther away than you want to be, or larger than you'd want. Maybe it's an all-girls school, or a military school, or will make it your first time being in a minority. Go to that school!! You like it well enough that you applied, and they like you well enough that they accepted you. The fact that it's a little outside the norm for you is exactly why you should go there. This isn't the time to play it safe or delay pushing yourself. 

Practice explaining your final decision. For each of the schools you’re still considering, whether two or 10, write this sentence for each: “I’ve chosen to go to _____, because _____. I was also considering _____, but _____.” And then read those sentences aloud, a lot, to multiple people, and see what resonates.

What will your tie-breaker be? If you just cannot decide between two schools, what will you use to make a decision? Most people would use price, but what if they both cost the same? Will you choose the closer school? The larger school? The one whose basketball team has a better record? Will you flip a coin or ask someone else to make the decision for you? Seriously, thinking now about how to break a tie can help you understand a little better what your priorities are, and that can go a long way.

However you decide, once you've decided, really commit. Don’t look back. Donate all your free college t-shirts you got on visits and college fairs--even of the school you chose. Buy yourself a new t-shirt (or sweatshirt or bumper sticker or keychain) to make the symbol more meaningful. If you're still a member of any discussion boards or online groups for schools other than the one you choose, get off them. Throw away or recycle all the marketing materials you've collected. Delete all the marketing emails. 

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Check out these related Apply with Sanity posts:

   What to do when you get waitlisted.

   Don’t pass up a full ride.

   Asking for more financial aid.

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

Seniors, it's time to decide!

High school seniors applying to college have, for most universities, until May 1st to choose a school and make their commitment. If you have competing offers and aid packages, then it may be difficult to decide. I can’t make the decision for you, but I can offer some advice for how to get yourself in the right frame of mind to make a wise choice.

Know how much input you want from your family, and let them know. This is your decision about your future. If your family is helping to pay for it, it’s also their decision. There’s plenty of room for conflict between you and your family over how to make the best choice. Some students really want the final say to be a communal decision, and some students really want their parents to just stay out of it and let them decide for themselves. Think about how much help you want from your family and then tell them that as clearly as possible. This may be a statement like “This is a really important decision, and I’d love to know what you think I should do and why.” Or “I know we’re all in this together, but for the next week I’d really like to think about things on my own and not talk about college with you.” Making these kinds of statements of your intentions now can make it easier in two weeks if you find yourself needing to say “I know this isn’t your top choice, but I really believe this is the best choice for me and I’d appreciate your support.” There’s of course no guarantee that your family is going to go along with what you request, but beginning with a short and concise statement about what you need is the best way to keep control over your situation.

While you’re at it, think about all your influences. You probably have people you trust, and whose opinions you value, other than your family. Ask those people their thoughts on your final choice. Explain the colleges you’re choosing between, and explain the benefits and risks of each of them. You may get good advice from them, and even if you don’t get good advice, you get the clarifying exercise of being able to articulate the benefits and risks of the contenders. Be careful, though, not to put too much stock in a single person’s opinion. Most people give advice based on their own experiences, which is great. But their experiences may not match yours, and their outlook may not be as pertinent to your situation as they believe. A person who had an exceptionally good or exceptionally bad college experience themselves may give advice that only works if your choices are also exceptional.

Your best friend, boyfriend, or girlfriend is not a good enough reason to choose a school. Of course you love them and want to be with them, and it will be difficult to be away. But college is one of your most significant life decisions, and it has to be based on your life—not just being near someone else while they pursue their own life. Would you let your friend tell you what city to live in, what job to take, who else you can be friends with? If not, then don’t let them dictate what college you go to.

Go back to your mission statement. Take a good look at your most recent College Mission Statement. Give the different schools you’re choosing from a detailed and accurate score based on what you decided you want. Do not change your College Mission Statement now just to make it favor one school over another! If one university has a higher score than the others, then that is the one that best matches what you decided you want for yourself. Don’t ignore that. If you have some sort of tie, then there are three things to think about: 1) this decision is going to be really difficult, 2) you’re not going to make a bad choice, so take comfort in that, and 3) at this point the smart thing to do is go with the one that costs less.

Think about the Wise Mind. I had a discussion once, about 20 years ago, that I never forgot. I was talking to a woman—I don’t remember her name or where we talked—who was a therapist, and she told me a rule to consider: always make decisions with the Adult Brain. The Child Brain thinks “I want.” It is impulsive, emotional, selfish, and ungrounded. It just wants what it thinks will be pleasurable. The Parent Brain thinks “I must.” It is consumed by obligation, sacrifice, and service. It defers its own needs to help someone dependent. But the Adult Brain thinks “I will.” It takes both desire and obligation into consideration, and tries to make a reasonable, productive decision. So, the therapist told me, it’s important to recognize that you have a Child Brain and a Parent Brain, but you should always make decisions—especially important decisions—with the Adult Brain.

The more up-to-date terminology for a similar idea is Wise Mind. Wise Mind doesn’t ignore rational thinking or emotion, but considers them both to make wise decisions. Here’s a short video about Wise Mind. To make your college decision using the Wise Mind is to avoid being overly influenced by pure emotion—I want to go to the college that my friend is going to; this college may not be as good a fit, but it’s well-known and people will be impressed when I tell them I go there; how can I pass up that amazing new student activity center? I can avoid an argument with my dad if I just go where he wants me to go. It will also avoid being overly influenced by pure reason—the estimated return on investment is higher at this school, so it would be stupid to pick the other one; this school has 5% more classes in my major than the other one; I’ve known about this school longer, so there must be a good reason for that. The Wise Mind will balance emotion and reason to make the most productive decision.

Practice explaining your decision. You’re going to need to tell people—friends, family, teachers, counselors—what you’ve decided. Practice saying this aloud as clearly as possible—not just where, but why. Make it into a single sentence. You don’t have to wait until you’ve chosen, either. If you’ve narrowed your choices down to two or three, then practice your explanations for all of them. That may make the decision a bit easier.

Once you’ve decided, don’t look back. You can spend the rest of your life wondering what would have been had you chosen a different school. That’s not a good use of your time. Sooner or later you have to stop wondering “what if” and start living the life in front of you. So you might as well do that May 2nd.

Best of luck to all the seniors making these final decisions. Remember: if you’ve got several good options in front of you to choose from, you’ve done a number of things right along the way. Congratulations!

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