How do you ask for a letter of recommendation?

Current juniors are probably aware of the basic checklist of things they’ll want for college applications this fall: transcript, essay, test scores, activity list, and supplemental question responses. But there’s one document that is mostly out of your control—a letter of recommendation. You’ll probably need one (or two, or three), and right now is the best time to think about who to ask for recommendations, how to ask them, and when to ask them. Here is a an updated rundown on rec letters and how to get the best ones you can.

Understand what you’re asking for. Have you ever seen a letter of recommendation? Have you ever written one? Do you really understand what you’re asking for? Take some time to get familiar with the type of letter you’re asking for. Look at these examples with comments. You’ll have a better idea of who to ask, when to ask, and how to ask if you have a better appreciation for what all goes into a good recommendation.

Write one for yourself. Seriously. Put yourself into the mind of the teacher you want a letter from, and try to write your very best letter about you as if you were that teacher. Think about what qualities that teacher would say stand out, and think of narratives and examples that teacher could give about you. Do not try to send it as if they wrote it! That’s not what this is for. Nobody will see the letter you write, but it’s a great exercise. Self knowledge is the best knowledge, and few things help you know yourself like having to explain yourself.

Make sure you ask someone who can help you. Like the essays and interviews, recommendation letters are one of your opportunities to show colleges that you’re an interesting person, not just a transcript. So make sure you ask for recommendation letters from teachers who know you as a person. Some schools specify which teachers they want letters from, and there’s nothing you can do about that. But when you have control, get teachers who will say great things about you. If a teacher is likely to just repeat what’s already in your transcript, then you’ve lost a big opportunity. If a teacher is writing letters for a lot of other students, then that teacher may not be able to write a unique and personal letter for you. A teacher who had you for a class and also sponsored an activity you were involved with is ideal. A teacher you’ve had good rapport with and who knows you as a person is going to be better for you than a teacher who doesn’t know you as well but gave you higher grades.

Understand that it’s a personal favor. Teachers are not required to write recommendation letters, and they’re certainly not required to write good ones, so treat it as a favor. When I was a teacher, I liked it when students set up an appointment with me to come and talk to me about rec letters. I preferred to know why they were coming so I could prepare questions or suggestions. I loved it when a student sent me an email asking to come by later and ask for a rec letter. However, I also worked with teachers who didn’t care for this approach. They feel like it makes them have the same conversation multiple times. So there’s no one best approach.

But whatever you do, ask for the letter politely and with lots of time to spare. Don’t rush the teacher or treat it like a foregone conclusion that they’ll write you one. And never corner a teacher while they’re trying to get someplace else.

Give them some direction. Hopefully you’ve given a lot of thought to what personal traits you want to discuss in your application essays. Let the teachers who you’re asking for recommendations know what those traits are. If there’s a particular story or example you’re hoping they’ll write about, let them know. Teachers may or may not follow up on that, but it can’t hurt to ask. Which do you think will get a better rec letter?

·      “Mr. Holloway, can you write me a letter of recommendation?”

Or

·      “Mr. Holloway, I’m putting together my college applications, and I’m really trying to emphasize my creative problem solving. Would it be possible for you to write me a letter of recommendation? I was remembering the time in class when the computer crashed in the middle of my Power Point presentation and I still found a way to get the information across without it.”

Unless the teacher asks for it, I don’t think you should give them a copy of your transcript, résumé, or “brag sheet.” It makes it too easy for the teacher to write about what’s already in your application. Instead, offer to send the teacher any information or reminders they need. Even better, offer to show the the letter you wrote for yourself. It’s a common practice in business to have people write their own recommendations to be edited and sent off. Show the person you’re asking a letter from how confident you are and what you need by offering your letter. However, don’t offer to write the first draft yourself unless you already have it written.

Convey the actual deadline for the letter. If you’re applying for Early Action, Early Decision, or any other November 1 deadline, let them know. If it’s a Regular Decision application due in early January, let them know. If it’s rolling admissions, and the sooner you get all the materials in the sooner you get a decision, let them know. If it’s a Regular Decision application due in early January, but you want to have all your applications out early for your peace of mind, that’s fine. But the teacher’s deadline is still early January. Don’t try to push them into arbitrary or confusing deadlines that aren’t realistic.

If they say no, don’t be pushy. This should go without saying. There are a number of reasons a teacher might say no when you ask for a recommendation. Don’t assume you know what the reason is, and don’t be pushy. Someone who can’t or doesn’t want to write a letter isn’t going to write a good one. If the teacher who says no is one who a college requires a letter from, let that teacher know and see if there’s something you can work out. But do this as a follow-up, not in the same conversation where the teacher initially says no.

Say thank you. A recommendation letter is a personal favor, so make sure you thank the teacher profusely. Thank the teacher when they agree to write the letter. Say thank you again—in writing—when the teacher sends the letter. When you get accepted to any school that the teacher recommended you for, say thank you again. A thank-you gift is not required, but is a nice gesture. But don’t give one until after the letter has been sent—you don’t want it to look like a bribe. 

How many rec letters will you need? And from who? This is tough to answer, because each college has its own requirements. As you’re looking at colleges you may want to apply to, look through their admission requirements to get a sense of what you need. Some colleges don’t require any recommendations. It’s very common for a college to want one from your school counselor and one from a teacher. Some require two teacher recommendations, and some specify that one be from a STEM teacher and one from a Humanities teacher. Most will take letters from community members other than teachers and counselors.

I think it’s best to plan on getting recommendations from your counselor and two teachers until you know for sure you don’t need that many. You should obviously send all the recommendations a school requires. But I don’t think you should send more than a single extra recommendation, even if they allow for more. Sending too many recommendations quickly becomes a problem: it makes you seem more annoying and desperate than accomplished and interesting. Also avoid having someone impressive send a recommendation if they don’t actually know you. A bland, generic letter from a business executive, elected official, or famous person doesn’t actually help you.

When should you ask for rec letters? This is also tough to answer, because each teacher has their own preferences. There are teachers who, if approached in the spring of 11th grade, will tell you it’s way too early to deal with that. There are teachers who, if approached in the fall of 12th grade, will tell you it’s too late and they can’t take on any more. Some teachers would love to discuss it during the summer when the pace is slower, but some will absolutely resent you for bothering them in the summer. So all that I can advise is to bring it up before the end of this school year, but bring it up casually. Ask your teachers what they prefer, and then follow up when appropriate.

What do you do if a college asks for something you can’t provide? There are times when a college may ask for a recommendation that you’re simply unable to provide. Example: your school counselor left the school and hasn’t been replaced. Whenever there’s any kind of problem or question, reach out to your admission representative at the college. Most colleges still divide their admission staff by geography, and most will let you look up who the admission counselor for your region is. If you can find that on their admission web page, perfect. If not, find any contact info you can for the admissions office and reach out with your question. The sooner you do this, the better. Don’t wait until right before the deadline to let them know you may not be able to get exactly what they’re asking for. Consider mid-September to be your deadline for this (unless, of course, you decide to apply to a school after that).

I’m sure there are many exceptions to my normal advice for rec letters, but here are two big ones. If you’re applying to a US service academy, then you will be required to get a recommendation from your member of Congress. Representatives typically have a form on their website with instructions. If you’re applying to any of these, ignore what I said about getting recommendations from impressive people you don’t necessarily know. Also, home schooled students will often have a completely different set of requirements, since recommendations can be awkward if your teachers and counselors are also your parents. Most colleges have a separate checklist easy to find on their admission web pages.

 Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   Do you need a “brag sheet”?

   On swastikas and rec letters

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Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

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How do you write a great application essay?

If this is the summer between your junior and senior years of high school, then now is probably the best time for you to work on your application essays. I understand that you’re not sitting around doing nothing this summer, but with school out you probably have more unstructured time to work on the essays than if you wait until fall. Some of the most miserable high school seniors I’ve ever worked with were students trying to write application essays days before the deadline. You should have a solid draft ready to go by September 15th at the latest. If you need to keep revising and editing, that’s fine. But get yourself to “only an hour left to finish it” as soon as possible.

Most the students I work with end up writing two “big” application essays. They’ll write one for the Common Application, and they’ll write one for their state public university application. There are certainly some public colleges that accept the Common App, but many—especially the larger systems—have their own application. And yes, you can use the same essay for both; prompt #7 on the Common App allows you to share an essay on any prompt, even if it’s an essay you’ve already written. But from my experience, once you factor in the long Common App essay, smaller supplemental prompts, public university application prompts, and prompts for honors programs or scholarships, most write two longer essays and have a stable of smaller responses that get shifted and re-used for various other tasks.

Let’s step back and ask why colleges ask for an essay in the first place. Back when I first left the classroom and started writing and advising about college admissions, I talked with a friend who is also an admission dean. I asked for the inside scoop on essays. What, exactly, do you do with them? Do you run them through programs to determine Lexile levels and readability scores? Do you match them against databases to find cliches and plagiarism? She politely told me I was making things way too complicated. “We read them, that’s what we do with them,” she told me. That’s it.

Admission officers are looking for a few things when they read your essays. They want to make sure that you’re prepared to do college-level writing. That doesn’t mean that you already have to write like a college senior; you’ll probably take a writing course early in your college years. But it means that if you don’t show that you’ve at least mastered high school-level writing and aren’t ready to begin college writing, then that’s a problem for them.

The other thing they’re reading for is to get to know who you are as a person. Transcripts and test scores are pretty impersonal. It’s the recommendation letters and essays that show who you are and who you might become. College is not just an honor society for high school students. Universities don’t exist just to recognize your hard work in high school. They are places where people develop and work together, so colleges want to see who you are as a person, not just your recent accomplishments.

Ok. With that big picture always in mind, how do you actually go about putting together an application essay?

The first thing to know is that you’re playing offense, not defense. Too many students look at the prompts, try to think of a response, and then write something. They take a defensive stance, wondering how they should respond in order to seem worthy to the universities. Instead of thinking of yourself as a passive commodity for the schools to peruse, think of yourself as an interesting person and decide what you want the schools to know about you. The essay is your primary way to show the schools that you’re a person, so make sure you show them what a great person you are.

Don’t start by looking at the prompts! I had a really great literature professor in college who talked to us about the essay questions on her final exam. She said that, ideally, the final exam would simply say “Explain.” Then we’d have two hours to explain what we’d discovered and learned over the semester, and she could assess us from that. However, lots of students would be confused or anxious about such an open-ended test, so she posed several essay questions, each ending with “Explain.”

College admissions essays are similar. What they really want to ask is “So, tell us about yourself.” But that would be too weird for too many applicants, so they ask more specific questions to get you to tell them about yourself.

So instead of beginning with the prompts and taking a defensive stance, begin with yourself. Think about several things:

• What makes you an interesting person?

• What skills and traits do you have that will make you successful at college?

• Other than your grades, what do people praise you for?

• How do you fit into your communities, and what kinds of communities do you want to belong to?

• What are you hoping to get out of college?

• What are you hoping to provide to your college?

• What separates you from your friends at school?

• What gets you intellectually excited? What do you do when you’re excited?

• What’s happened to you in the past three years that has most changed who you are?

• How do you hope to change over the next three years?    

• You’ve matured in the past three years—what evidence or stories have you got to show it?

• What’s the most recent un-assigned book you loved?

• If you could design the perfect college course for yourself, what would it be?

• If you wanted to impress a stranger in under a minute, what would you tell them about yourself?

Spend some serious time thinking about these and similar questions, and think about what kind of a presentation you’d make to an admissions committee about yourself. Once you have that in mind, then go and look at the prompts. Think about which prompts can best highlight the qualities you want to talk about, and then go from there.

Nobody likes a show-off. This is tough to remember when you’re being asked to talk about your accomplishments, but it’s still true. When you’re writing your essays and speaking to people, you want to make it clear that your accomplishments are not traits in themselves, but evidence of your important personal traits.

So it’s not just that you were captain of the basketball team, but that the challenges of being captain of the basketball team taught you a lot about motivating others and yourself. It’s not that you had the highest grade in your math class, but that the rewards of good grades highlight your resilience and ability to meet self-imposed goals. It’s not that it felt great to win the debate trophy, but that your ability to cooperate and collaborate with a partner made you successful at the debate tournament. It’s not that your band went to Regionals, but...you get the idea.

Balance style and content. I often had students ask me which is more important on admissions essays: the writing itself or what the writing talks about. The answer is both. A poorly written essay about something really cool is neither better nor worse than a really polished piece of meaningless fluff. Work on both. A lot.

Most college admissions essay sound alike. This makes sense. There’s a limited range of possibilities—most of the applicants are about the same age, come from the same national cultural background, and are high school seniors. There’s only so much variety you can have. So don’t worry about writing something that’s going to be completely different—worry about making yours stand out in small ways. In a 650-word essay, a single sentence can make a huge difference. So pay attention to each sentence.

Consider the past, present, and future. Whatever personal quality you’re talking about, make sure to include—even in small ways—how you developed this trait in the past, how you’re displaying that trait now at the end of high school, and how you think that trait will be useful in college.

Some things NOT to do:

1. Rehashing what’s already in your transcript. If you only say things in your essay that the admissions committee can already see on your transcript or test scores, you’re missing a big opportunity.

2. The Mission Trip essay. Maybe you went on a mission trip or some other service project, and you learned a lot about people in different circumstances than yourself. Maybe you felt that they affected you more than you affected them. That’s wonderful, but please understand that the admissions counselors have seen this essay a gazillion times and it’s going to be extremely hard to make yours stand out. If you write this essay, make sure you work hard on highlighting your own personal traits and not just the epiphany you had. I’ve also seen many weird essays where the student basically argues that the way of life of those being helped is superior to the writer’s way of life. These essays have sentences along the lines of “they may be poor, but they take care of each other and have true happiness.” This is a great idea if you’re applying to go and live among the people you helped in your service project, but not so much if you’re applying to a expensive college.

3. Unbalanced before & after. Many essays use a “before and after” structure as a way to talk about personal growth or overcoming setbacks. I used to be unmotivated, but now I’m motivated. I used to be a bad student, but now I’m a good student. I used to be selfish, but now I’m involved in helping others. Things like that. If you write this kind of essay, make sure you spend most of your time and words on the positive, not the negative. I’ve seen too many essays that spend about 90% of their words on describing the negative in great detail, and then give a vague “but I got better.” Spend no more than 20% on the negative Before, and most of the essay on the positive After.

4. On any type of essay that is going to multiple schools (like the Common Application), you should not name any individual school or place. If you send an essay to individual schools that includes a school name, make sure you have the right name. Many students send the same writing to multiple schools and simply replace one school name for another. If you do this, make sure you replace them ALL.

5. There’s a common misperception that your essay needs to be some kind of “sob story” that gets tons of sympathy from the readers. That’s not true. This year the Common App even added a prompt about gratitude and positive stories. If what you want to write about involves major challenges or even trauma, that’s not a problem. Work on that essay. But never try to amplify or exaggerate a minor challenge to make it sound traumatic just because you think it will make you look better to an admissions officer. It will actually have the opposite effect.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Check out these related Apply with Sanity posts:

   Writing about your unique circumstances

   Yes, you can write about that

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.