How do you ask for a letter of recommendation?

Current juniors are probably aware of the basic checklist of things they’ll want for college applications this fall: transcript, essay, test scores, activity list, and supplemental question responses. But there’s one document that is mostly out of your control—a letter of recommendation. You’ll probably need one (or two, or three), and right now is the best time to think about who to ask for recommendations, how to ask them, and when to ask them. Here is a an updated rundown on rec letters and how to get the best ones you can.

Understand what you’re asking for. Have you ever seen a letter of recommendation? Have you ever written one? Do you really understand what you’re asking for? Take some time to get familiar with the type of letter you’re asking for. Look at these examples with comments. You’ll have a better idea of who to ask, when to ask, and how to ask if you have a better appreciation for what all goes into a good recommendation.

Write one for yourself. Seriously. Put yourself into the mind of the teacher you want a letter from, and try to write your very best letter about you as if you were that teacher. Think about what qualities that teacher would say stand out, and think of narratives and examples that teacher could give about you. Do not try to send it as if they wrote it! That’s not what this is for. Nobody will see the letter you write, but it’s a great exercise. Self knowledge is the best knowledge, and few things help you know yourself like having to explain yourself.

Make sure you ask someone who can help you. Like the essays and interviews, recommendation letters are one of your opportunities to show colleges that you’re an interesting person, not just a transcript. So make sure you ask for recommendation letters from teachers who know you as a person. Some schools specify which teachers they want letters from, and there’s nothing you can do about that. But when you have control, get teachers who will say great things about you. If a teacher is likely to just repeat what’s already in your transcript, then you’ve lost a big opportunity. If a teacher is writing letters for a lot of other students, then that teacher may not be able to write a unique and personal letter for you. A teacher who had you for a class and also sponsored an activity you were involved with is ideal. A teacher you’ve had good rapport with and who knows you as a person is going to be better for you than a teacher who doesn’t know you as well but gave you higher grades.

Understand that it’s a personal favor. Teachers are not required to write recommendation letters, and they’re certainly not required to write good ones, so treat it as a favor. When I was a teacher, I liked it when students set up an appointment with me to come and talk to me about rec letters. I preferred to know why they were coming so I could prepare questions or suggestions. I loved it when a student sent me an email asking to come by later and ask for a rec letter. However, I also worked with teachers who didn’t care for this approach. They feel like it makes them have the same conversation multiple times. So there’s no one best approach.

But whatever you do, ask for the letter politely and with lots of time to spare. Don’t rush the teacher or treat it like a foregone conclusion that they’ll write you one. And never corner a teacher while they’re trying to get someplace else.

Give them some direction. Hopefully you’ve given a lot of thought to what personal traits you want to discuss in your application essays. Let the teachers who you’re asking for recommendations know what those traits are. If there’s a particular story or example you’re hoping they’ll write about, let them know. Teachers may or may not follow up on that, but it can’t hurt to ask. Which do you think will get a better rec letter?

·      “Mr. Holloway, can you write me a letter of recommendation?”

Or

·      “Mr. Holloway, I’m putting together my college applications, and I’m really trying to emphasize my creative problem solving. Would it be possible for you to write me a letter of recommendation? I was remembering the time in class when the computer crashed in the middle of my Power Point presentation and I still found a way to get the information across without it.”

Unless the teacher asks for it, I don’t think you should give them a copy of your transcript, résumé, or “brag sheet.” It makes it too easy for the teacher to write about what’s already in your application. Instead, offer to send the teacher any information or reminders they need. Even better, offer to show the the letter you wrote for yourself. It’s a common practice in business to have people write their own recommendations to be edited and sent off. Show the person you’re asking a letter from how confident you are and what you need by offering your letter. However, don’t offer to write the first draft yourself unless you already have it written.

Convey the actual deadline for the letter. If you’re applying for Early Action, Early Decision, or any other November 1 deadline, let them know. If it’s a Regular Decision application due in early January, let them know. If it’s rolling admissions, and the sooner you get all the materials in the sooner you get a decision, let them know. If it’s a Regular Decision application due in early January, but you want to have all your applications out early for your peace of mind, that’s fine. But the teacher’s deadline is still early January. Don’t try to push them into arbitrary or confusing deadlines that aren’t realistic.

If they say no, don’t be pushy. This should go without saying. There are a number of reasons a teacher might say no when you ask for a recommendation. Don’t assume you know what the reason is, and don’t be pushy. Someone who can’t or doesn’t want to write a letter isn’t going to write a good one. If the teacher who says no is one who a college requires a letter from, let that teacher know and see if there’s something you can work out. But do this as a follow-up, not in the same conversation where the teacher initially says no.

Say thank you. A recommendation letter is a personal favor, so make sure you thank the teacher profusely. Thank the teacher when they agree to write the letter. Say thank you again—in writing—when the teacher sends the letter. When you get accepted to any school that the teacher recommended you for, say thank you again. A thank-you gift is not required, but is a nice gesture. But don’t give one until after the letter has been sent—you don’t want it to look like a bribe. 

How many rec letters will you need? And from who? This is tough to answer, because each college has its own requirements. As you’re looking at colleges you may want to apply to, look through their admission requirements to get a sense of what you need. Some colleges don’t require any recommendations. It’s very common for a college to want one from your school counselor and one from a teacher. Some require two teacher recommendations, and some specify that one be from a STEM teacher and one from a Humanities teacher. Most will take letters from community members other than teachers and counselors.

I think it’s best to plan on getting recommendations from your counselor and two teachers until you know for sure you don’t need that many. You should obviously send all the recommendations a school requires. But I don’t think you should send more than a single extra recommendation, even if they allow for more. Sending too many recommendations quickly becomes a problem: it makes you seem more annoying and desperate than accomplished and interesting. Also avoid having someone impressive send a recommendation if they don’t actually know you. A bland, generic letter from a business executive, elected official, or famous person doesn’t actually help you.

When should you ask for rec letters? This is also tough to answer, because each teacher has their own preferences. There are teachers who, if approached in the spring of 11th grade, will tell you it’s way too early to deal with that. There are teachers who, if approached in the fall of 12th grade, will tell you it’s too late and they can’t take on any more. Some teachers would love to discuss it during the summer when the pace is slower, but some will absolutely resent you for bothering them in the summer. So all that I can advise is to bring it up before the end of this school year, but bring it up casually. Ask your teachers what they prefer, and then follow up when appropriate.

What do you do if a college asks for something you can’t provide? There are times when a college may ask for a recommendation that you’re simply unable to provide. Example: your school counselor left the school and hasn’t been replaced. Whenever there’s any kind of problem or question, reach out to your admission representative at the college. Most colleges still divide their admission staff by geography, and most will let you look up who the admission counselor for your region is. If you can find that on their admission web page, perfect. If not, find any contact info you can for the admissions office and reach out with your question. The sooner you do this, the better. Don’t wait until right before the deadline to let them know you may not be able to get exactly what they’re asking for. Consider mid-September to be your deadline for this (unless, of course, you decide to apply to a school after that).

I’m sure there are many exceptions to my normal advice for rec letters, but here are two big ones. If you’re applying to a US service academy, then you will be required to get a recommendation from your member of Congress. Representatives typically have a form on their website with instructions. If you’re applying to any of these, ignore what I said about getting recommendations from impressive people you don’t necessarily know. Also, home schooled students will often have a completely different set of requirements, since recommendations can be awkward if your teachers and counselors are also your parents. Most colleges have a separate checklist easy to find on their admission web pages.

 Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   Do you need a “brag sheet”?

   On swastikas and rec letters

   Be kind to your counselor

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

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What high school classes should you take?

It’s only the beginning of March, but it must already be the time when high schools are asking students to choose their classes for next year. I say this because I’ve already fielded several questions this week about class choices. Which of these two AP classes should I take? Which of these electives is better? Which classes are better for my college applications? What makes these conversations fun for me—but really frustrating for the students—is that there’s usually no clear answer. They’re choosing between two high-quality classes, and which one is “better” is really down to their own preferences or the nuances of the classes; there’s not an objectively correct answer about which one will help their college applications more.

The general rule to follow is that you should take the most rigorous classes available to you. But that’s awfully general. It doesn’t necessarily mean you should take five AP course per year, and it doesn’t exactly answer “should I take AP Calculus or AP Statistics?” Assuming you’re already on board with the general rule, let’s give some more guidelines to help you choose the classes that are right for your path to college, but also choose classes that are right for your present situation.

The first guideline: choose your classes for doing well in college, not just getting into college. I know it’s obvious, but it’s also really easy to forget: getting accepted to college is the beginning, not the end. If your high school strategy is just to get accepted to college without thinking about what you’ll do when you get there and how you’ll do it, you’re really setting yourself up for a rough time. You’ve got to think about the bigger picture and your longer-term goals and aspirations.

One big way students fail to plan for finishing college and only focus on getting in is by playing The GPA Game. I’m sure you’re familiar with that concept, but I’ll give a specific example of what I mean. For a few years I was in the position of teaching two classes of English III for juniors and a single section of AP English Language & Composition for juniors. I also had two sections of Honors English III, which had the same curriculum as regular English III, but also included more reading and usually an extra project or two. The Honors class had the same grade point boost as the AP class; it was a five point class, while the regular class was a four point class. Sometimes I’d ask “why are you in this class instead of the AP class?” I’d get answers like “I’m in all honors classes, and I also have band practice for two hours a day, and I also have a job. I don’t have time for the extra homework that comes with the AP class.” That’s reasonable. I’d also get “I’m going to take Dual Credit English next year, which I know transfers to Texas A&M, but I don’t know what I’ll get from A&M for my AP exam score or if I’ll do well enough.” That’s reasonable. But I’d also hear “Why would I take the harder class when I get the same extra points for this one?” That’s The GPA Game, and it’s not as clever as it seems.

First, anyone looking at your transcript can see that you took the lower-level class when a higher level was available, and they’ll keep that in mind when assessing your GPA. Admissions offices don’t fall for that trick. Second, the honors class wasn’t nearly as strong for college preparation as the AP class. (I know this for sure, because I taught both.) And finally, we are what we continually do, and continually playing games and trying to be sneaky doesn’t make you into the person you want to be. If you’re planning on college and have the capacity for the more rigorous course, then take it. Even if it risks lowering your GPA. Even if you can coast along in a less rigorous class. Don’t play The GPA Game.

Remember, though, that there are completely appropriate reasons for taking the less rigorous course. It’s ok to think about your personal development and not just your GPA. It’s ok to think about your long-term mental health and not just your GPA. It’s ok to take classes that are interesting and/or useful to you, not just classes to maintain your GPA. If you start college burned out because you pushed yourself too hard to take too many rigorous classes, then you haven’t done yourself any favors. Likewise if you begin college filled with shame and self-doubt because you cheated and took shortcuts to keep up your GPA. If you begin college with an impressive resume but no social skills because all you did was study alone, college isn’t going to be easy. This is why you have to choose your classes for more than just looking good to college admissions offices. You have to think about how you’ll be successful as a college student, not just a college applicant. It’s far better to graduate from your safety school than drop out of your dream school.

The second guideline: choose the higher quality class. Here I want to distinguish between rigor and quality. When we talk about rigor in high school classes, that usually has to do with classifications. AP classes are considered more rigorous than regular classes. High Level IB course are more rigorous than Standard Level. Core classes are more rigorous than elective classes. Those have to do with general classification, but they say nothing about the actual quality of an individual class. Quality has to do with preparing you for college and life beyond. Quality has to do with the experience of being in the class, which differs from school to school, teacher to teacher, year to year. There may be a lower-rigor elective that will actually provide much more knowledge and wisdom than a more rigorous core course. Which class is higher quality is often only known at the specific school level. You know which classes are higher quality, and you have to trust yourself (within reason) to choose those classes.

At your high school, does being on the yearbook staff provide useful training in publishing and leadership, or does it provide a free period where you mostly drop someone else’s photos into pre-made templates? At your high school, is AP Physics a place to explore the workings of the universe with interesting discussions and labs, or is it a place to do endless multiple-choice practice while being berated for not having enough natural talent? Let the quality of the courses guide you, not just the rigor labels.

Thinking about quality classes is especially useful when choosing between different courses within the same rigor classification. For example, I got an email last week from a client asking if she should take AP Biology or AP Environmental Science. She said she might have room for both, but the scheduling would probably work out so that she could only take one. She’s hoping to go to vet school after college, or possibly into agricultural policy, so this is an important decision. Which is better? I didn’t have a clear answer. I said:

If all else is equal, then I would recommend Bio as the priority, and adding Environmental Science if you really think it's feasible to do both. However, if there are circumstances that make you think Environmental Science may be a better choice for you, then trust that instinct. For example, if you know that the AP ES teacher is good about lots of hands-on field work, while the AP Bio teacher is just focused on drilling for test prep, then definitely take the higher-quality class. Or if taking both means letting go of one of your extracurriculars that you're passionate about, then AP ES probably isn't worth it.

It wasn’t a clear-cut answer, but it was the right answer. She almost immediately replied that she would

go with AP Environmental Sciences, because the teacher facilitates more learning. The AP Biology teacher is notoriously cruel and generally bad, she doesn't have many kids pass the AP test. Unfortunately I can't do both, I have to take Economics as well.

Once I asked her to think about quality and not just what would look best on an application, she knew exactly what to do.

The third guideline: how you explain your choice is at least as important as the choice. You will have opportunities in your college applications to explain class choices you made or grades on your transcript. A lot of people only think about this defensively—if they had a low grade or got put into a class that they didn’t really want or think was good enough, then they can plead their case. But it doesn’t have to be that way. If you made a choice that you think might raise eyebrows, in either a good or bad way, then feel free to explain yourself. Let the colleges know how you think about things, not just the list of your choices. For any time when you had to pause to decide which was the better class to pick, be prepared to explain that decision.

Especially for the choices where there isn’t an objectively correct answer, the explanation will carry a lot of weight. Say you’re having a hard time choosing between one more year of soccer or taking a history elective that isn’t an AP class. “Even though I knew the history course is more academic than soccer, I decided to stick with my team for senior year because on the field is where I get to practice skills like self-discipline and teamwork that jut don’t happen as often as regularly in the classroom.” That’s compelling. “It was hard to say goodbye to my teammates, but I knew that if I was serious about going to college I needed to spend that time on more upper-level academic classes.” That’s also compelling. Either of those makes sense. “I’m good at soccer and get a lot out of it, but my counselor said it would look better to colleges if I take a history class I don’t care about, so I did.” That’s….not compelling. The explanation is a lot more important than the choice, and many times simply explaining your options to yourself will help make the choice much easier.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Check out these related Apply with Sanity posts: Don’t just get into college, finish it. Are Advanced Placement classes a scam? Questions from students.

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

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